Producing Pair
by bladesandbaits2
Summary: Being a Producer for The Dee Show is hard for Parker Kovac, but with her best friend Naruto, it's not that bad. Naruto and Producing Parker crossover. THIS WILL NOT BE FOR LITTLE KIDS! Naruto x Parker
1. Chapter 1

**Came across _Producing Parker_ while exploring YouTube, and I am hooked just like my leg was when I went on that cat-fishing trip as a kid. Ah, childhood memories.**

 **I do not own Naruto or Producing Parker.**

(Author Input)

'Thoughts'

"Talking"

 **Producing Pair**

An alarm sounded on a crisp morning in a Manhattan ( **BB:** I know it's a Canadian cartoon, but they never say what city they're in) apartment. The sound of groaning could be heard from the occupant of the bed sitting next to the alarm, obviously annoyed by the sudden noise.

"I swear, I am going to invent a time machine and kill the guy who invented the alarm." She said, covering her head with a pillow.

"Wouldn't that be kind of ironic?" a male voice asked from the bedroom doorway.

The woman took the pillow off her head and revealed a head of raven dark hair and blue eyes that were currently giving an annoyed look towards the man at the doorway. He was six feet, with blonde hair that spiked in every direction and piercing blue eyes. His outfit consisted of an orange button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, showing well-toned arms, and black dress pants with matching shoes. The most peculiar trait he had were the three dark lines on each side of his cheeks, giving him a more animalistic look.

"Now come on, Parker. We're going to be late." He stated.

The now named Parker groaned again. She raised herself out of her resting place, revealing herself to be only wearing a tank top and pair of panties.

"Sometimes I wonder if living with you is a blessing or a curse, Naruto." She said to her best friend of 15 years, though she had a smile on her face the entire time.

Naruto just chuckled and left so she could get dressed. When she exited her room, she now wore a white blouse with black slacks and dark purple heels. She went to the kitchen and found Naruto there with two cups of coffee, to which Parker accepted one as if it were a gift from God. Naruto opened the door and they were off to the parking lot. A motorcycle with orange and white paint awaited them outside. Naruto and Parker situated themselves on the bike and were on their way.

* * *

They arrived at the Bellamy Broadcasting building and entered the premises. After a short ride up the building's elevator, they found themselves at their office door. While Parker was struggling with the keys, a voice from behind gained Naruto's attention.

"Yo, N! What's up?"

Naruto turned to see a short, dark-skinned man approaching him and Parker. He wore a white, long-sleeved shirt and a tan jacket with leaf patterns all over. His bottom half consisted of moss green, worn out pants and a pair of flip-flops.

"Hey, Simon. Nothing much, just deciding whether or not we need to break into the office through the window." Naruto replied, jabbing a thumb towards Parker.

"Oh, shut up." Parker snapped, annoyed by the blond.

Simon chuckled at this. "You know the door's unlocked, right?"

Parker's eyes widened in shock, then in anger as the two men behind her laughed uncontrollably. She turned around and gave Simon and Naruto a stare that would scare the Devil. She was not in the mood for games first thing in the morning. Both men froze up in fear, not wanting to feel the scorn that is greater than hell's fury.

"Ithinkweshouldgettoworknow!" "Yeahthatsoundslikeagoodidea!" Naruto and Simon said respectively, running into the office. Parker gained a smirk and walked in, ready to start the day.

* * *

It was midday, and Naruto was leaning back in his chair, reading a magazine listening to another argument between Simon and Parker about show segment ideas. Naruto wasn't really paying much attention to it, for it was a usual occurrence in their line of work.

"Oh, come on The Dee Show's primary interests are makeovers and Shopping. And you want to-" Parker began.

"Do a piece on maimed lion tamer adapting to post circus life. Like Antonio here," Simon interrupted, gesturing to a man with claw marks all over his body, and using crutches because he didn't have legs. "and he loves shopping and makeovers."

Simon walked up to the legless man with a pair of shoes in hand. He held up the shoes while talking, not noticing the annoyed expression the man gave them.

"Look! Italian Brogues, aren't they awes-" he never got to finish, for Antonio used on of his crushes to knock the shoes out of Simon's hand. Unfortunately, that also caused him to lose balance and fall out of the open window they had in the office.

"Oooooooo, I forgot, he has no feet. Lions can be so cruel." Simon stated before turning to the dark-haired woman. "See Parker? Antonio's story must be told." He finished dramatically, causing Parker to chuckle.

"I still don't think Dee's going to go for it." She replied while shuffling papers.

"She probably would if Naruto suggested it." he grumbled.

It was obvious that Dee had a thing for the blonde, everyone knew that. She would often flirt with him, even go so far as to pinch him in the rear given the chance. Though somehow, Naruto was oblivious to the meaning behind it all. Parker always felt relieved by that fact, but was confused as to why.

"Why is that?" Naruto questioned, looking up from his magazine. Though he was ignored by the both of them.

Simon grunted in frustration. "How can I get promoted to a legitimate news show if all I'm working on is fluff?"

"What! The Dee show is not fluff. We address serious issues facing modern women today." Parker exclaimed.

* * *

Apparently one of the serious issues faced were jeans, since that was the day's topic on The Dee Show. Dee, the talk show hostess, was a woman in her forties, wearing a light purple blouse and dark purple dress pants. Her hair color was ginger, and her eyes were green. She was currently conversing with the special guest, a so called "Jeans Expert", while Parker, Simon, and Naruto were in the Producer Box off to the side.

"How the hell can someone be a jeans expert?" Naruto asked.

"I feel like there's a joke in there about her ass being smarter than her brain, but I'm not going to waste time making it." Parker stated, causing him to chuckle.

Everything was going great, until the guest made a comment about Dee being "Posterior Challenged". That was not a good thing. That was a very bad thing. It was a "Cut to commercial" moment, which was basically Defcon 1 for the studio.

"Standby for possible guest ejection." She ordered.

"Possible code red?" Naruto inquired.

"Possible code red." She confirmed.

When Dee began to ask for clarification through clenched teeth, Parker began to repeatedly hit the eject button. Though nothing happened.

"Not working, damn, damn, damn! Naruto, cover me, I'm going in." Parker said while taking off her headset and leaving the office.

"Code Red! I repeat, Code Red!" Naruto said urgently into his headset while taking over Parker's station.

Parker swung on a nearby rope into the set just as Dee was about tear the guest a new one. Parker yanked the guest out of Dee's grip when she swung by them, saving her but destroying the necklace that was being held by Dee. After that, Naruto hit the cut to commercial switch, and they were able to calm Dee down just in time to continue with the rest of the show.

* * *

 _'Dee is pissed'_ was the thought that went through everyone's mind while the woman in question made herself a martini. They were all in Dee's personal office, going over the results of the recent broadcast.

"Indigo Jones can kiss my ass!" Dee exclaimed.

"If she could find it." Simon mumbled.

"I NEVER WANT HER BOOKED ON THIS SHOW AGAIN!" Dee yelled while stomping, literally causing the nearby furniture to jump up and down. "WHO'S IDEA WAS IT TO BRING HER ON ANYWAY!?"

"Um, well-" Parker began.

"It was Naruto!" Simon quickly interjected

"What? I thought it was Par-"

Naruto would've finished if it weren't for both Parker and Simon covering his mouth. Dee didn't seem to here him, though did seem to calm down.

"Oh, well. We all make mistakes." She stated, before gaining a glint in her eye and walking over to them. "Actually, Naruto. Do you think my butt is nice?"

She turned around, having her back facing them and struck a pose. Simon nearly vomited from the sight and Parker growled in frustration. Naruto, however, gained a confused look.

"What do you mean?"

The reactions that Dee gained every time a flirt went over Naruto's head were priceless in Parker's opinion.

"Anyway, according to the overnights, we drew huge numbers." Parker explained, getting everyone back on track.

"Great, now everyone knows about my underdeveloped derrière." Dee exclaimed, walking back to her desk.

"One moment she wants attention, the next she doesn't. Make up your mind." Naruto pouted, sitting next to Parker. Parker giggled at his antics, loving his adorable expression.

 _'Wait, where did that come from?'_

Parker was broken from her thoughts when she heard Dee beginning to speak.

"I don't get it. Is the clothes, my hips? Is it my hair?" She frantically asked.

"Dee trust me," Parker began "Big butts are yesterday's news. Now let's confirm the line up for tomorrow's show. We've got the female owner of the new chain restaurant, Heinies."

Dee began to weep at the obvious reference to the behind.

Parker, trying to cheer up her crying boss said, "We've also got the all-girl band Tina Tush and the Bubble Butts."

Though she only succeeded in making Dee cry harder. Parker tried to hide behind her computer screen after that

Line Break

* * *

It was the end of the day, and Parker was getting her things together while Naruto was waiting on the ground floor for her. She was grabbing the various items she needed to complete work while at home when she saw the photo of her and Naruto as kids on her desk. She would never forget the day she met the one person besides Massimo who she could truly call her best friend.

 _Flashback_

 _A young 9-year-old Parker was sitting of to the side at the public pool, crying into her arms. She felt a tap on her shoulder, and through crying eyes, looked up to see a young boy in a wetsuit with blonde hair and blue eyes looking down at her with concern._

 _"Are you okay?" the boy asked. He only got a nod in response. "Then why are you crying?"_

 _"Those boys over there called me a whale." She said through sniffles. It was the first time she ever went to a pool in a bikini, so she was very self-conscious about it. The boy looked towards the three kids playing in the pool, along with an actual whale that was in the water. He then placed a comforting arm around the weeping Parker._

 _"I'm sure they weren't talking about you. Besides, you shouldn't care about what they think." He stated in confidence._

 _Parker looked up with a questioning gaze, "What do you mean?"_

 _"Well, if you feel comfortable in your own body, then you shouldn't care what other people think!"_

 _That seemed to cheer her up greatly, and when she was drying her eyes she thought of something._

 _"Hey, what's your name?" She asked, wanting to thank the one who lifted her spirits._

 _"Naruto Bellamy, and what's yours?"_

 _"Parker Kovac. Thank you, Naruto."_

 _"NARUTO!" An adult voice grabbed their attention, and both looked to see a man with blonde hair like Naruto's standing on the other side of the pool with his arms crossed and a scowl on his face._

 _"I got to go, it was nice meeting you." Naruto said uneasily as he began to make his way towards the man._

 _"Okay, bye!" Parker said waving at him._

 _She never noticed how scared Naruto looked when he reached the man._

 _End Flashback_

Afterwards they found out they both went to the same school and were inseparable since. Parker was in the elevator, going down to meet Naruto when the moving room made a stop at one of the floors. When she saw who it was that wanted to board the elevator, her mood went from nostalgic and happy to ticked off. He was a blonde man with blues eyes, and his choice of wear was a light pink, button up shirt with a blue blazer over it. His bottom half wore white dress pants and brown loafers.

"Oh, Parker! Fancy seeing you here." He stated nervously.

"Hey, Blake." She stated in annoyance. Blake walked into the elevator and stood right beside her as they began to descend.

"So, how have things been with you?" he asked, trying to strike up a conversation.

"Great, me and Naruto have been doing fine." Her reply was short and simple, which was usual when talking to Blake or anyone else of _that_ family. They didn't deserve her time. Not after what they did.

"…. How is he?" Blake asked. He hadn't seen his cousin in a long time, and was wondering how Naruto was, especially after the incident all those years ago.

Blake never got an answer, for the door opened and Parker rushed out to the door of the building.

Outside, Naruto was leaning on his bike waiting for Parker. He noticed Parker running towards him, and began preparing for departure. Parker quickly got into her seat on the back of his motorcycle and began strapping on her helmet.

"What's got you in such a hurry?" he asked his best friend.

"Blake."

That was all he needed to hear to start driving.

* * *

It was nighttime when they returned to their awaiting apartment. Parker went inside the apartment while Naruto parked his bike. When she entered she smelled delicious food being cooked in the kitchen.

"Kurama, Massimo, we're home!"

"In the kitchen!" a voice shouted.

Parker sniffed the air and her mouth watered. The food smelled heavenly in her opinion.

"Something smells good. Massimo, are you guys making dinner?" she asked, surprised based on who was doing it.

"Yes, we were watching some cooking show and fleabag here wanted to try it himself. I had to help him because I didn't want the apartment to burn down. Again." A different voice said.

"Okay one, it's not some cooking show. Two, I have not had fleas since I was a puppy. Three, I said I was sorry, Kurama." Massimo's voice said.

"You better be, I lost all of my fur in that fire." Kurama said.

Surprisingly the two voices belonged to a dog with white fur and a black studded collar, Massimo, and a fox with orange fur with, surprisingly, nine long and luscious tails, Kurama. Both Kurama and Massimo exited the kitchen with plates in hand err, paw. At this point Naruto finally returned from parking his bike. As he entered, he smelled a delectable aroma in the air.

"What's cooking?" He asked.

"Massimo and Kurama fixed us dinner." She replied, handing him a plate.

Naruto took the offered dish, took a bite, and immediately began scarfing it down.

"Parker, you got to try this." He said in between bites.

Parker took out a fork and took a bite. It wasn't soon after that she was in the same boat as Naruto, trying to eat as much as possible.

"I don't believe it." Kurama stated with wide eyes.

"Ha! You owe me 20 bucks!" Massimo exclaimed, holding out his paw.

Kurama grumbled as he pulled the money from… somewhere and gave it to Massimo.

"Wait, what did you guys bet on?" Parker questioned, stopping her chow down while Naruto kept eating.

"Would you believe that Kurama thought that the two of you wouldn't like dog chow and tortellini." Massimo said, counting his money.

Parker gagged and vomited in her mouth, but Naruto kept eating. When he noticed the disgusted look sent his way, he shrugged.

"What, it's good." He defended before returning to his meal.

* * *

Naruto was lying on his bed, reading a book when he heard a tap on his doorframe. He looked up to see Parker, in her sleepwear, standing at his doorway.

"Can I talk with you?" she asked, rubbing her arm.

"Sure," he said, patting the unoccupied side of his bed "Tell Naruto what the problem is."

Parker flopped onto the bed with a sigh, unconsciously laying her head on his chest.

"So, what's the deal?" he asked, wondering what was wrong with his best friend.

"I'm just worried about tomorrow." She whispered, tracing her thumb on his chest.

"Oh right, tomorrow is job evaluations," He remembered "Don't worry about it. You are the best at what you do, and no one else is as smart, sexy, and focused in The Dee Show's entire crew than you."

That seemed to lift her spirits entirely. It always seemed that he knew exactly what to say to make her feel better. They continued to speak until they went to the land of dreams, holding each other.

* * *

 **Whoa** **, it took a while for me to type this. Now this is going to be the last story I'm uploading. From now on I'm going to only upload Mercy's Reason, Working Again, possibly doing The Intern challenge myself, and this. Please review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Check out Producing Parker on YouTube, it's a great show! Though I highly reinforce that you must be over 14 when watching.**

 **I do not own Naruto or Producing Parker.**

(Author Input)

 _'Thoughts'_

"Talking"

Producing Pair

The next morning went as normal as usual, even with the fact that the two of them shared the same bed. It wasn't the first time. Now everyone was on lunch break, and it was Parker's week to make it for the two of them, so she made his favorite food. Ramen.

"Oh, Ramen. Bless me with your heavenly broth and enlighten me with your noodles." Naruto said in ritualistic prayer in the Janitor's clos- I mean, their office.

Simon, who was leaning against the wall and having a simple sandwich, shook his head at his friend's antics with a smirk on his face. This was pretty much a regular thing at the office. Naruto loved ramen, it was a simple fact. Especially when Parker made it.

"Come on, Naruto. It can't be that good. The way you treat that stuff, it must be the food of the gods or something." Simon teased.

Right after he said that, two chopsticks embedded themselves on either side of his head. Simon looked towards Naruto with a horrified expression. Naruto wasn't even looking in Simon's general direction, though his arm was stretched out in a throwing motion.

"Blasphemy, ramen **is** the food of the gods." Naruto said in a dark tone.

"Right, of course it is." Simon chuckled nervously, nodding his head.

This was the scene Parker was introduced to when she entered the office. She gave a sigh and rubbed her temples, already stressed by the end result of her job evaluation. Good news, they liked her work. Bad news, she did so good that the executives believed that she was overworked and gave her an intern. Why was that a bad thing? The intern was dumber than a bag of hammers. She actually thought that a shark tank in Blake's office (don't ask) was a pool and decided to go skinny dipping.

"Simon, what's the number one rule concerning Naruto and ramen?" She asked as if she were scolding a child.

"Don't diss the ramen." Simon replied while Naruto was giggling at his expense.

"And Naruto, what's the rule about people having doubts about ramen being 'The food of the gods'?" Parker questioned, turning her attention towards him.

Naruto looked like a kicked puppy as he stared at his lap. "Don't physically threaten people when they have doubts about ramen."

"Alright then. Now that that's taken care of," Parker began while walking over to him and sitting in his lap.

"Rub." She commanded, pointing to her back.

Naruto did as he was ordered and began rubbing away at the tense spots of her back, causing her to moan out in relief.

"So, what's causing so much stress today?" Naruto asked, taking the job of confidant as well as best friend and masseuse.

"It's this new intern that Blake just dumped on me because apparently, it seemed like I was overworked. I mean it would've been a nice gesture if it wasn't for the fact her IQ is so low it's not even funny! The only reason I can possibly think of why she was able to get the internship is because Blake is screwing her!" Parker ranted.

"Don't be dramatic Parker, I'm sure she's not that bad." Naruto reassured her as he began to work on her shoulders.

"She tried to swim in Blake's shark tank, Naruto. And the shark was in plain view."

"Dear god," Naruto stated with wide eyes, "Where is she now?"

"I sent her out to get the script for tomorrow. It was literally the simplest thing I had on my list to do."

A knock on the door gained the attention of the room's occupants.

"Speak of the devil, it's open!" Parker shouted.

The intern was the literal definition of a bombshell. She had long blonde hair and her eyes were a jade green. Her attire consisted of a tight red dress that barely covered her rear and perfectly showed off her *ahem* assets. She instantly had Simon drooling. Naruto's reaction was different though.

"Chicago?" He asked.

"Naru? Is that you? Oh my god! It's been so long!" The bombshell exclaimed, hugging the only other blonde in the room.

Naruto hugged her right back, missing the expressions of the other two people in the room. Simon grumbled about 'Stupid blondes' and 'not being able to get that kind of attention', while Parker was getting irritated with how long they were hugging.

'Who the hell does she think she is? Hugging my man like- whoa, what am I talking about?'

Parker separated the two blondes, standing in between them.

"So, I'm sensing some history between you two. Mind filling in the rest of us?" Parker asked, trying to not let her irritation show in her voice.

Naruto gained a shit eating grin as he wrapped an arm around Chicago.

"Parker, meet Chicago. She's my cousin."

Parker froze up for two reasons. First, she realized she had gotten jealous over Naruto hugging his cousin, and second, Naruto was actually friendly with one of his family members. That hasn't happened in a long time.

"Excuse me Chicago, do you mind if I borrow Naruto for a moment?" Parker asked, yanking Naruto out of the room before Chicago could answer.

"Umm, hi." Chicago said, acknowledging the only other person in the room now.

"Hey." Simon replied. In an attempt to appear cool, he leaned back into his chair, only to end up falling out of it.

* * *

 _In the Hallway_

As soon as Parker deemed that they were far enough away from everyone, she began her interrogation.

"Why the hell are you being so nice to her? Have you forgotten what that family did too you?" Parker hissed. She was then taken back by the harsh glare that Naruto gave her. Naruto was the nicest guy one could meet. Him glaring at Parker of all people was about as rare as a unicorn who had the cure for cancer.

"You of all people should know Parker, I'll never forget." He stated in a cold tone while unconsciously bringing his hand up and rubbing the lines on his cheek.

Parker looked down and gave a sigh, collecting her thoughts. He was right, that was out of line for her to say.

"She is only my cousin by marriage, and even then, she didn't know what happened." Naruto explained, tilting her head up with his hand.

'I have a feeling that's not the only thing she doesn't know about.' Parker thought absentmindedly.

"Okay, as long as you don't have a problem with it." Parker agreed hesitantly. She didn't want him to be hurt by them again, not while she could have prevented it.

"Don't worry, everything is going to be fine." Naruto reassured her while winking, missing the blush Parker gained when he walked off.

It was then that Parker remembered something of absolute importance.

' _Shit, the script!'_

* * *

Naruto was in the office, typing up reports on Parker's computer since it was the only one in they had between the three of them. Suddenly, the door burst open and the computer's owner stormed into the room with Simon, ranting about her new intern.

"She has no experience, brains, or ambition. So far, the only credentials she's got are her blonde hair, long legs, and flawless skin. Not to mention she's the poster child for the 'all blondes are dumb' stereotype. No offense Naruto." She said apologetically to the cousin of their conversation's subject.

"Meh, she may be my cousin, but you can't fight fact. What you said Parker was pure, unadulterated fact." He replied while shuffling papers.

"You also forgot about her great butt." Simon stated, staring at Chicago as she bent over to pick something up in the hallway. "She'll be running the place in no time."

"Standing on thin ice, Simon. I still have chopsticks and I'm not afraid to use them." Naruto threatened. He even pulled out a pair of chopsticks to emphasize his point.

Simon chuckled nervously, quickly hiding behind Parker for protection. Parker didn't notice any of this it seems, for she began to speak again.

"But seriously, Simon. Do you think she's just another one of Bellamy's conquests?" Parker asked, disgusted at the thought.

"Parker, they're related." Simon deadpanned, finding it ridiculous that she would even think that.

"Actually, they're third cousins, so it would be legal." Naruto added, unintentionally ruining Simon's attempts to help Parker. "I mean, one of our presidents did it."

Parker growled in frustration and walked over to her desk, sitting beside Naruto.

"So that's all men care about? Not talent, not hard work, just T and A?" Parker questioned, cradling her face in her hands. Naruto wrapped an arm around Parker in an attempt to console her.

"Actually, it's just A. Boobs are just a frontal imitation of the behind." Simon explained. "Since the days of the Neanderthal, it's been big butts that men are attracted to. Why, Aphrodite was worshipped by the Greeks for her great heinie."

"And I suppose there weren't any gentleman among the Greeks." Parker asked desperately.

"Well, there was Achilles. I remember something about him having respect for all women, if that helps." Naruto suggested.

"No, but thank you. Anyway, this show is for modern women, not cavemen or Greek goddesses. It's about empowering women to be the best that they can be." Parker stated in finality.

"Oh really? Like today's first segment?" Simon asked, referring to the homeless woman that the show gave a makeover to. Unfortunately, she didn't get to enjoy it because soon after, she had to be sent to the hospital because of malnourishment.

"It had social relevance. We're helping women." Parker shot back.

"Right," Simon stated sarcastically. "Just like our commercial."

The very commercial they were talking about played on Parker's computer. It was for a store called the Booty Barn. Apparently, it was the place to go if you wanted a prosthetic butt. Naruto didn't understand the point of it, but that was because he already had a nice butt. At least, that's what Dee says. Speaking of Dee, she burst through the office after the commercial ended, trapping Simon behind it.

"PARKER! Get me one of those air butts!" Dee shouted as Naruto tried to free Simon, pulling on his arm with all his strength. "No, get me a whole box!"

As Dee was about to leave, she decided to give Parker a piece of advice. "You could use one too. You're not exactly gifted in that department either."

With that, she closed the door and left, inadvertently causing Naruto and Simon to fall to the ground.

"Man down." Naruto groaned in pain.

Parker just sighed.

* * *

It was night time in Parker's room and she was having the most peculiar dream.

 _In her mind._

 _In an ancient Greek city, Chicago was standing on a podium posing for Simon, who was painting her likeness on a canvas while Blake was watching in delight. All of them wore clothes from Ancient Greece. Chicago wore an elegant white dress, Simon was dressed in a simple tunic, and Blake had on the robes of an Emperor._

" _So, how is my commission coming along?" Blake inquired._

" _Wonderful sire, she is a perfect image of Aphrodite herself." Simon replied joyously._

 _Chicago yawned and asked, "I'm tired. Can't you just invent a photo copier? It's way faster."_

 _Blake relented, clapping his hands while Chicago stepped off the podium._

" _Slave girl, stand in her place." He ordered._

" _Me?" A Parker dressed in nothing but rags exclaimed in surprise. Though Blake ignored her in favor of Chicago, taking her by the hand and guiding her away from the area._

" _Come Aphrodite, we shall feast on figs and wine." Blake told her._

 _As soon as they were out of the way, Simon began to paint again, though Parker had her back to him._

" _Turn around!" he ordered._

 _Parker did as she was told. Simon examined every inch of her, becoming disappointed when he found no inspiration from the woman in front of him._

" _No sire, she won't do." He said to Blake in a low voice._

" _Throw her in the pit then." He replied with boredom in his voice._

 _Parker screamed as Simon kicked her down into a dark abyss. When she landed, she realized that she could barely see in the hole. Though she could definitely hear the growls of a lion. It jumped from his hiding place and landed in front of her, ready to pounce. Parker closed her eyes, preparing for the end when suddenly, a sound of a blade entering stone entered the cavern._

 _When Parker opened her eyes, she was greeted to the sight of a spear embedded in the stone floor between her and the lion._

" _Worry not, fair maiden. You will not be devoured this day." A voice from above shouted._

 _Parker looked up to see her savior, a man in Greek armor who was currently falling towards them with grace. He landed next to his spear, ready to face the dangerous beast that stood in front of him. Parker couldn't make out her hero's facial features, thanks to his helmet._

" _Stand back, I will handle this." He whispered, grabbing the spear with his right hand and balancing it on his shield in his left._

 _The lion obviously knew who was the more dangerous and targeted him first. They circled each other, trying to find any weakness in the other. The lion attacked first, clawing at the warrior, but ended up being blocked by his shield. He thrusted his spear into the lion's shoulder, causing it to roar out in pain. He twisted the shaft, breaking off the spear tip in the ferocious feline. While the lion tried to pull out the piece of metal lodged in it's flesh, the warrior pulled out his short sword. With a cry, he leapt into the air and buried the sword deep into the lion's skull._

 _The only sounds that were present in the cavern was the heavy breathing of the warrior. Parker stood up and made her way towards him, wanting to thank him for saving her. He noticed this and turned in her direction. When she reached him, she noticed a familiar set of blue eyes peering through the eyes of his helmet._

" _Are you safe, m'lady?" he asked, his voice full of concern. Parker blushed bright red. No one had ever called her that before._

" _I'm fine thanks to you. Forgive me, but who are you?" she inquired._

 _A chuckle reached her ears as the warrior took off his helmet, revealing himself to be…_

" _Naruto!?" she exclaimed in surprise._

" _At your service." The blond replied, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. The cavern might as well of been lit with how much Parker was blushing._

 _Parker began to feel herself get closer to him, and he to her. Naruto wrapped his arms around her and leaned in. She didn't fight him, instead she did the exact same thing to him. Parker noticed how bright Naruto's eyes were, getting lost in the pools of deep blue._

'Parker.'

 _They were so mesmerizing, so perfect._

'Parker!'

 _Their lips were centimeters apart._

'PARKER!'

" _WAHHHH!"_

Outside the dream.

Parker's face immediately became intimate with the floor as she fell out of the bed. Massimo cringed when he saw the end result of him waking her up.

"Ooooooooo, sorry about that Parker. I just came to tell you breakfast is ready, I made it without dog food this time." He apologized, placing a plate of waffles in front of her fallen form.

"No, it's fine Massimo." Parker replied, fixing herself into a sitting position. "That looks delicious."

Before he could respond to her compliment, Naruto burst into the room wearing an apron and wielding a spatula around as if it were a weapon.

"What happened! I heard Parker scream! Did she not like the breakfast?"

"Whoa, Parker's okay. As for the breakfast, that's yet to be decided."

"Well hurry up. Just got a call from Dee, apparently we have a last minute celebrity guest and we need to be there ASAP."

* * *

 _On the Dee Show_

Naruto, Parker, and everyone else were in the producer box while Dee introduced her next guest.

"He's ripped, sexy, and the straight to DVD movie star of the year, JOHNNY PANAMA!" Dee announced onstage.

Said actor was lowered onto the stage by the robot claw that they had. He was a buff, tan man wearing a pink collar shirt with brown slacks and dark brown loafers. The crowd cheered as the actor sat down and shared fake kisses with Dee.

"Welcome back to the show!" Dee exclaimed before not so subtly gesturing to her now rounder posterior. "So, do you notice anything different about me? Look closely."

Johnny gave no verbal response, instead he just snapped his fingers and clicked his tongue.

 _In the Producer Box_

"Isn't that one of those fake butt things from the commercial?" Naruto whispered to Simon.

"Yep."

 _Back with Dee_

"Sweet. Isn't it?" Dee asked before sitting down. That was the wrong thing for her to do, for a sound rang out through the entire studio. One that horrified Dee to the bottom of her core.

 _Pffffftttt_

Dee's eyes instantly shot wide open, showing a large amount of shock and surprise.

 _In the Producer Box_

"What just happened?" Parker asked urgently.

"I believe Dee just farted on live television." Simon replied.

" _It wasn't me!_ " Dee protested through the headset.

"It's that stupid butt bra! Get me wardrobe! I'm gonna find out who did this if it's the last thing I do!" Parker ranted.

"Ohhhhhhhh," Chicago began, drawing everyone's attention. In her hand was the box that the 'butt bra' came in. "So that's what the manual ment by 'underfilling may result in whoopee cushion effect.' Neat."

"Go to commercial! Now!"

* * *

 _Later that night_

Naruto, Parker, and Simon decided to go out for dinner after the disaster of the days show. They decided to eat at the new restaurant, Heinie's, that Parker talked about the other day. They didn't seem to have a rest from what happened at the show because it seemed to be already be in the paper.

"Letting Her Rip on The Dee Show: Daytime Cable Show Stinks Big Time." Simon read from the newspaper.

"All the good work that I do, and my intern just toots it away."

"Parker, it's not her fault. Knowing Dee, she probably forced Chicago to get her that air butt." Naruto retorted.

If Parker heard him, she didn't show it. She continued her rant, standing up out of her seat.

"Well I am not standing for it anymore! The world is not all about having a nice ass!" She shouted, gaining the attention of a nearby waitress.

"So what are you doing here then?" The waitress asked.

"I just came for the burgers. Okay? They're really tasty."

"Same here." Naruto chimed in.

The waitress turned to him and examined him like a piece of meat. Parker narrowed her eyes at the waitress. A feeling of protectiveness washed over her as the server undressed him with her eyes.

"Why don't you come to the back sometime and I can show you the…special buns that we have for those burgers, handsome?" She purred.

Parker pretty much had had it at that point. With having to deal with Chicago and the sudden jealousy that arose from Naruto being flirted with caused her to explode.

"That's it, I'm talking with Blake tomorrow! Naruto, Simon, we're leaving." She shouted, pulling both of them by the collars.

"But we never got our food!" Both shouted at the same time.

* * *

 _In Blake's Office_

The British blond was up on a ladder sprinkling fish food into his shark tank.

"Now, now. Just a little bit today Charlie. I need you nice and hungry for your big debut." Blake chided.

The door to his office slammed open, causing Blake's ladder to shake and stagger, causing him to drop the fish feed into the tank, to which the shark gratefully munched on. Parker stomped past the door, steps clearly audible.

"Blake, you and I need to talk!" She yelled.

"O-Oh, Parker what can I-"

"Blake, I have worked my ass off to make sure that The Dee Show remains in the top ten in ratings. I mean who do you think gives Dee her happy pill in the morning?"

* * *

Dee was sitting on her bed wearing a white bathrobe with a facial mask and cucumber slices while chanting a mantra. She never noticed Naruto and Parker sneaking up behind her.

"Why do I have to do this again?" Naruto asked.

"Because it makes it 100 times easier for me." Parker responded.

Naruto just sighed and removed his button up, handed to Parker before moving to the other side of the room. Dee repeated her mantra for about the 300th time before getting interrupted.

"Dee, look! Naruto's shirtless!"

The hostess fell for the ploy, turning her head to see exactly what she was told. Naruto was standing there awkwardly waving.

Dee gaped at the sight, and that was exactly what Parker needed. She loaded the pill into the slingshot she brought with her, took aim, and fired.

The sound of Dee gagging signified that Parker had scored a bullseye.

* * *

"Oh my," Blake began, he could see how dangerous the mail got even from his office.

"Hell, I even open her fan mail!"

* * *

Parker was in the producer box, controlling the studio's claw to rise. Between the claw's pincers was a single letter. With a flick of a switch, the claw began tearing into the paper. It wasn't even a single second later that the envelope detonated, leaving the studio a mess and Parker covered in soot.

* * *

"All of that hard work trumped by what? You and her sharing the same genes or her being some bed warmer? Or is it some sort of twisted revenge for what happened all those years ago? If that's the case, you can go fu-"

"PARKER!" a voice from behind her yelled.

The woman in question turned around quickly to see Naruto standing behind her with his arms crossed. She recoiled when she saw the look he was giving her.

"Naruto, dear cousin, how good it is to see you again!" Blake exclaimed rather nervously.

"Blake." Naruto regarded him curtly before turning back to Parker.

"You and me need to talk."

"Actually, cousin. That won't be necessary." Blake stated as he descended the ladder. "Parker has made a few excellent points that need to be addressed. First, she is in fact right, Bellamy Broadcasting has been neglecting to acknowledge the efforts of one Parker Kovac. To repay her efforts, I hereby announce that she will receive full producer credit from now on."

"Really?!" Parker exclaimed in surprise, all anger from her rant now gone.

"And Secondly, the reason I hired Chicago, well…" Naruto decided to save his cousin the embarrassment of telling him.

Naruto leaned and whispered into her ear, missing her initial shiver of pleasure. It was short lived, for her eyes opened wide and her mouth opened in shock. She shook herself out of her stupor when he was done and said only one thing'.

"She did _what_ with a whale?"

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Hallway_

Parker had just finished placing the Producer label over the janitor closet's window. A sense of accomplishment filled her soul.

"Well done, Parker." Dee said as she walked by.

"Thanks Dee!" She responded cheerfully.

"Just don't let your ass go to your head." She added as she walked away. Simon quickly took Dee's spot next to Parker.

"So, Blake Bellamy isn't as bad as you thought, huh?"

"Yeah, after today, I'm convinced that him and his family are only 99% evil." Parker replied.

Chicago walked up next to Simon carrying clothes on a hangar in one hand and a coffee cup in the other.

"Here's your dry cleaning," She said handing Parker the clothes, "And your low fat, non dairy cappuccino."

"Wait, you made this?" Parker asked, taking the offered cup.

"I delegated." She said, gesturing to a guy wearing punk clothes, pushing the mail cart.

"You said it was important right?" Chicago asked while she walked away.

"Perfect, my intern has her own intern." Parker stated.

"So, want to go celebrate your promotion?" Simon asked, remindin0g Parker that he was still there.

"No thanks, I've got plans."

* * *

 _At Parker's house_

All around Parker's apartment, decorations laid, ready for celebration. Music played from their radio. Parker was sitting at her dining table, sipping wine, while the three men in her life were preparing a feast. Well, attempting to. If they could stop arguing over what to make.

"I'm telling you! We should do the ribs first because they'll take the longest!" She could hear Massimo say.

"No way! You'll eat all of them before they even leave the oven! We need to do fish!" Kurama replied.

"I still don't understand why we can't make Insta-Ramen."

"FOR THE LAST TIME, NO!" she heard Massimo and Kurama yell at the same time.

"Jerks." Naruto muttered, moving over to sit across from Parker.

"Aw, poor baby sad that he can't get any ramen?" Parker teased, patting his head.

"Keep talking like that and you won't get any more back rubs."

Parker laughed nervously and said nothing else. After that, a particular song played on the radio.

 _Play_ _ **Time in a Bottle**_ _by_ _ **Jim Croce**_

 _If I could save time in a bottle_

 _The first thing that I'd like to do_

 _Is to save every day_

 _'Til eternity passes away_

 _Just to spend them with you_

"Oh, I love this song!" Parker exclaimed, swaying her head from side to side.

"Then may I have this dance, milady?" he asked, holding out his hand to her.

Parker blushed, remembering her dream from the other night, and took his hand.

 _If I could make days last forever_

 _If words could make wishes come true_

 _I'd save every day like a treasure and then,_

 _Again, I would spend them with you_

Parker pressed herself against him and laid her head on his chest. Naruto rested his head on hers and wrapped his arms around her lower park. They slowly began to turn in circles, following the rhythm of the song.

 _But there never seems to be enough time_

 _To do the things you want to do_

 _Once you find them_

 _I've looked around enough to know_

 _That you're the one I want to go_

 _Through time with_

Neither had noticed that Kurama and Massimo had stopped arguing and were watching with heartfelt smiles on their faces.

"Ah, young love." Massimo sighed, before getting smacked in the back of the head by Kurama's tail.

"Hush, don't ruin the moment."

 _If I had a box just for wishes_

 _And dreams that had never come true_

 _The box…_

Naruto and Parker continued to dance into the night, lost in each other's embrace.

* * *

 **Finally I am done with chapter 2! I'm finally going to be updating my stories now that summer is here. Remember to review, and now I'm going to pass out after publishing this because it is after midnight.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm so happy right now! I was so nervous when I first published this story since Producing Parker wasn't well known. But now I see that people like it! But enough about that, time to acknowledge reviews.**

 **KuronoDono12: Thank you so much! As for the threesome…sorry but no. I don't write lemons and I physically can't write multi-pairings, even if it's for comedic effect.**

 **The wolf god Fenrir: Thank you on both accounts**

 **Rommel209: Wait no longer.**

 **I'm excited for this one. It's one of my favorite episodes ever. Get ready, because there are hints of what happened between the Bellamy Family and Naruto in this chapter. Be warned that this is where the M rating starts to come in.**

 **ATTENTION!** **I'm currently looking for any DeviantArt artists that are willing to make covers for the following stories:**

 **Warrior**

 **Producing Pair**

 **Working Again**

 **16 Beasts**

 **And one more story that I am keeping secret at the moment.**

 **PM me if any of you want to give it a try.**

 **NOW ON WITH THE STORY!**

 **I do not own Naruto or Producing Parker.**

(Author Input)

 _'Thoughts'_

"Talking"

 **Producing Pair**

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Parker's Office_

"And…done." Parker sighed as she put the last paper in its place.

Naruto, who was sitting right next to her, also sighed as he rubbed his face.

"It should not have taken that long to file a few papers." He moaned.

They had been filing a stack of paperwork since morning. It didn't help that it all needed to be done in time for the show, which was about to go on in the next ten minutes. The two tired producers heard the door to their office slam, and both looked to see Simon storming in.

"Okay look, Naruto and I don't mind testing new products, but this is too far!" Simon said, slamming his fist down on Parker's desk.

Parker raised an eyebrow over Simon's rant while Naruto checked to make sure all papers were in their proper place. Only when Parker nudged him gently did he turn his attention to the conversation.

"What's he talking about?" Parker asked in confusion.

"Oh, it's nothing-"

"NOTHING! N, dude. They're making us take fertility pills!" Simon exclaimed, surprised that his friend wasn't as distraught as he was. He held up the bottle of capsules that he was given to his two coworkers.

"Those things? Come on Simon, what's the big deal? They're just vitamins. It isn't going to hurt you." Parker placated.

Simon deflated in defeat.

"Fine, but if we grow fun bags, we're suing."

Naruto blushed at the idea of growing _those_ and looked down at his chest before drawing his attention back to the conversation.

"Oh, please. If you do grow breasts, I'll be expecting a thank you card. Think of the fun you would have groping yourself."

Simon contemplated for a second at the idea before being alerted by a cry beneath him. All three friends looked down at Simon's feet to see a small baby wailing in between his legs.

"Oh my god, did I just have a baby?" Simon questioned before pulling out the container pills he was hating before. "These things really do work."

Naruto then decided to, without looking, slide the pills that he was given off Parker's desk and into the trashcan.

"Relax," Parker began, picking up the baby and calming her down. "She's for the next segment."

"Thank God." Naruto muttered as they left the office and towards the studio.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-The Dee Show_

" _It's The Dee Show!_ " The announcer shouted on the speaker.

The show's theme began to play as the audience cheered for their hostess. The woman in question was standing at the top of the stairs to the audience bleachers, dancing rather badly, as the stairs became an escalator lowering her down to the bottom step. Halfway to the bottom, the studio's claw came and lifted Dee up into the air before lowering her onto the stage couch.

"Today on Dee…" She began.

" _Model Moms!_ " The announcer screamed enthusiastically. " _Yeah!_ "

The audience cheered and clapped again, then settled down.

"Three super models are now adding 'Super Mom' to their list of accomplishments. Yasmina Richi, Piper Harvin, and…Nada. Great to have you on the show! So, ladies. Who are these adorable little creatures?"

Piper was the first to go. She was an African Canadian woman with a large, blonde afro and a form fitting blue dress. Next to her were two baby twins, the only difference between them being the colors of their shirts, pink and yellow.

"This is Leek," Piper responded, putting her hand on the baby with the pink shirt and then moving to the one with the yellow shirt. "And that's Passion Fruit. Passia for short."

Next was Nada. She was a blond-haired woman wearing a black tube top and white pants with two black lines over her right leg. A pink scarf was wrapped around her waist, holding her child in place for her, hands free.

"And this little pumpkin is Fig." She said, gesturing to the baby hanging off her side.

"Aren't they all delicious?" Dee asked the audience. "I could just eat them all up, right now!"

She emphasized her point by mock biting the air near the children. That was the wrong thing to do apparently, since the babies started crying, obviously scared by Dee.

 _In the Producer Box_

"Knowing her, she probably would." Naruto whispered to Parker.

Parker just giggled and swatted his arm before returning to her post

 _With Dee_

As the two supermodel moms tried to calm their children down, Dee turned her attention towards the final supermodel mom.

Yasmina was a pale, black haired woman. She was as thin as a bone and wore a black dress with star patterns. It was odd to see her there because she didn't seem to have any signs of pregnancy, nor did she seem to have a child of her own.

"Yasmina, you're expecting baby number 6?" Dee asked.

"Ugh, 7." She replied. "I'm do any day now."

"But you're hardly showing?"

"Ugh, I'm a blimp." She retorted standing up and trying to keep her dress bellow her knees.

"Weight gain is a concern for many expecting mothers, isn't it?" Dee asked the audience, before turning back to the models. "Tell us, what are you doing to keep your baby slim before birth?"

"Womb yoga," Yasmina answered, placing her hands together above her head. "It's a European DVD workout I created myself."

The studio camera then pointed down at Yasmina's womb and showed her baby doing yoga poses in x-ray vison.

 _In the Producer Box_

"Are you sure that she signed off on being x-rayed?" Simon asked Chicago.

"Wait, she was supposed to sign off to it?" Her response caused everyone facepalm.

 _With Dee_

"I follow the same program and look how toned Fig is." Nada said.

The baby in question was currently lifting a weight as large and heavy, if not heavier, than herself with one hand.

"The Paparazzi love her. It's all 'snap, snap, snap' everywhere we go."

"I know." Piper responded. "It's like, once you have a baby, everyone wants your picture."

"They do?" Dee questioned in shock.

Yasmina scoffed, "You have a baby, don't you?"

"Um, no." Dee answered rather hesitantly.

"Oh." Yasmina said in heartbreak

"So, sad." Naga added.

The audience voiced their sympathy for her through a collection of "awws". Dee began to feel uncomfortable with all the attention she was receiving for once.

 _Producer Box_

"This could get ugly. Quick, que the supermodel mom fashion show now!" Parker ordered.

Naruto flicked a switch and a conveyor belt started moving on the stage with each of the models posing with their kids on them.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Dressing Room_

It was later after the show that Dee was in her dressing room with her stylist. Naruto, Chicago, and Parker were there to talk about the ratings of the show. Unfortunately, they couldn't even get a word in since Dee was barking orders left and right.

"I want more puff next time Russell." Dee ordered, pouring herself a martini. "I felt like a dwarf next to those glabazons."

Russell was the name of her stylist. He was a light skinned man with blond hair. His attire was simple: an orange tank top with white dress pants. He was currently brushing the wig that Dee wore onstage and around the office. Russell chuckled at what Dee said.

"Honey, I've dated dwarves." He began. "Trust me, they're not all short. At least not everywhere."

"And higher heels. Through the roof high! Oh and a baby. I want that too."

If Russell had been drinking, that would have been where he did a spit take. She wanted a BABY from HIM? That was crazy, even for her.

"Um, honey. Can't really help you there. My tubes are tied."

Dee sighed in defeat, "Parker, why didn't I ever have a baby?"

Said producer was surprised by the sudden question, not because of its bizarreness, but because it was Dee asking.

"Uh, because that was a personal choice you made years ago?" She answered reluctantly.

"I mean for the show. I want a baby." Naruto's head perked up in interest.

"But the shows over."

"I still want one. Everyone who's anyone has one." Dee explained.

"Right, because that's what having children is all about. Not wanting to be a nurturing mother and passing on your legacy. Just have them for the paparazzi." Naruto said, eyes narrowed at the hostess.

"Exactly." Dee replied, totally missing the glare he was giving her.

Russel then walked up to Dee with a pair of ridiculously sized heels. "Are these high enough?"

As she climbed up the ladder to get to the top of the heels, Dee began to speak. "Just some test tube thing will do, the faster the better. I don't have time to do the whole 'meet a man, have sex, get pregnant and wait 9 months' thing. Well, maybe the sex part." She added, winking at Naruto.

She strapped herself into the heels and posed. "How do I look?"

Russel, being the kiss up he is, shouted, "You're the model now!"

"Oh, stop." Dee exclaimed before turning to Parker and Naruto. "Check out a place called Sperm Salon, that's where Nada got hers."

At this point, Chicago finally decided to speak up.

"It takes 9 months to have a baby?"

Naruto and Parker just facepalmed.

* * *

 _Downtown-Sperm Salon_

Naruto and Parker both sighed in relief once they got inside the building. On the way there on Naruto's bike, they had to dodge 3 car chases, go around 10 crime scenes, and 5 traffic jams. It was a miracle they had managed to get there unscathed.

And luck seemed to be on their side because right now, a worker was giving them a tour.

"Here at the Sperm Salon, we offer a prestigious collection of designer seed to choose from." The worker began, guiding the two through aisles that had beakers stacked on them. "You can also specify certain qualities that you want your baby to have."

The worker stopped the moving group and directed Naruto and Parker's attention to a screen on one of the walls.

"You can have beauty,"

The screen turned on to reveal a sperm cell dressed in expensive designer clothes.

"Brains,"

The screen switched to another sperm cell wearing glasses and a graduation cap. It had just finished a rather complex math equation that took up half of a chalkboard.

"Brawn,"

The screen shifted again, showing a sperm cell lifting weights with its tail.

"Even spirituality."

The screen switched a final time, showing a sperm cell dressed as a catholic priest from medieval times, blessing people as it went by.

The worker went behind a bar counter and began mixing together a concoction as he continued to speak.

"We actually got the Dalai Lama's cousin. We do custom mixes as well. Donors are welcome to drop by, or we can arrange for a pickup." He finished as he poured the substance that he was mixing into a glass.

"Wow, it's that easy?" Parker asked in amazement of how simple such a process was.

"With sperm, you just walk through the right part of town with an open container."

Naruto involuntarily shuddered and felt sympathy for the person that had that job.

"Eggs are trickier, but as soon as we're done with your friend, we can get to work on you." The worker stated.

Parker and Naruto stuttered incoherently at the worker's statement, both not able to finish a statement in shock of what he just.

"No, no, no, no. we're not here for ourselves-" Naruto started.

"This is for our boss." Parker finished before reaching for the glass that the worker prepared.

Just as she was about to drink, Naruto immediately grabbed her by her forearm, keeping the glass from reaching here lips.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He stated before leaning in and whispering. "Remember where we are."

Parker paused before looking down at the 'drink' in her hand. Now that she had a second look at the suspiciously white substance, she decided against quenching her thirst and set the glass down.

After getting the details of the procedure from the worker, the childhood friends prepared to leave. Just as they were about to exit the building, Parker stopped.

"Sorry, but I need to use the little girl's room." She stated before rushing off.

Left alone, Naruto scanned the room and spotted the only living being there besides the worker that had given them the tour, Parker, and himself.

He was a behemoth of a man. Body hair poked out from all holes of his black shirt with some strands tangling up in his gold chain and watch. Despite the amount of hair on his body, the one place he was lacking was on the top of his head.

The whiskered blond noticed that the man was on the phone and could barely make out what he was saying.

"…one baby…extra cheese…24 hours or it's free."

Naruto wasn't sure what most of the conversation was about, especially the extra cheese part, but he didn't have a good feeling about it.

The behemoth stood up and moved to the door. Unfortunately, Naruto stood between him and the exit. The blonde's head barely reached the giant's neck and strained his head to look him in the eye.

Somehow, the mass of human flesh noticed Naruto's stare and took offense.

"What are you looking at?" He grumbled.

Naruto shook his head, snapping himself out of his thoughts before moving out of the man's path.

"Nothing, just lost in imagination." The blond producer stated.

The man said nothing. His only action was walking past Naruto and through the exit.

The blond watched as the giant get into a van and drive off. Naruto narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he stared at the vehicle's retreating form.

"Hey." A voice from behind him called.

Naruto turned himself around to see Parker staring at him with concern.

"Everything good?" She asked, placing a hand on his shoulder.

The whiskered blond turned back to the road, in the direction he saw the van leave, and replied.

"Just peachy."

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Offices_

Parker sighed as she cradled her head in her hands. She, Simon, and Naruto were currently discussing a certain problem that Naruto and she had come across when they did further research into the possibility of Dee having a baby.

"Let's face it Simon," Parker began, propping up her head with her hands, "She's too old."

Naruto placed a comforting hand on Parker's back.

"It's alright, Parker. Let's just be happy that Dee didn't become a mother when she could, lord knows how screwed up their life would be." He assured her.

Parker felt her spirits lift up slightly, only for them to fall again when she realized something.

"But how do I tell her? You know how sensitive she is."

"Yeah, remember when Maria guessed Dee's age on the staff birthday card?" Simon asked, leaning forward in his seat.

 _Flashback_

 _A gigantic Dee roared inhumanly while storm clouds raged behind her. The hostesses mouth spewed fire, destroying everything in its path. What was in its path currently, you may ask?_

 _It was Maria, holding up a large_ _Happy 50_ _th_ _Birthday_ _card in her hands._

 _The elderly woman was incinerated along with the card while everyone else looked on with horror._

 _End Flashback_

Said employee, now wrapped up in bandages to the point where she now looked like a mummy, was typing away on her computer as the trio walked by her cubicle.

"Hey, Maria." Simon greeted.

The elderly woman muffled a reply, though it was barely understandable due to the bandages.

"Doctors are still trying to figure out how Dee basically became Godzilla." Naruto muttered to himself.

Parker wasn't paying any attention to her blond friend as she continued her walk.

"Dee's going to be devastated."

"I don't really understand this whole 'procreation' thing." Simon stated as he made air quotes when he said procreation, "Why have kids when you can make a meaningful contribution to the world in other ways?"

Parker raised an eyebrow at Simon's bold statement, as did Naruto.

"And your contribution would be?" She asked skeptically.

"I'm writing a novel."

Naruto had to stifle a snort at that answer. He knew Simon couldn't keep still and focus long enough to actually write a novel. (1)

"I'm serious." Simon stated, a little hurt by the blonde's reaction. "I'm on a role. Page three and counting."

Naruto decided to finally rejoin the conversation and said,

"And exactly how long have you been working on those three pages?"

Simon crossed his arms and muttered something under his breath.

"What was that?" Naruto asked with a shit eating grin.

"Three months." Simon managed to grumble out.

Seeing that Naruto was about to poke some more at the subject and make Simon feel even worse, Parker decided to steer the conversation into a new direction.

"So, what's this epic about?" She asked.

Simon immediately perked up at the producer's interest.

"Behind the scenes at a woman's talk show."

Parker and Naruto stopped in the tracks as Simon continued to walk. Their eyes narrowed simultaneously at the obvious similarities to Simon's setting for the book and their real-life workplace.

"We better not be in it." Parker stated, placing a hand on her hip.

Simon halted and gave a sly look at the duo from over his shoulder and walked back up to them.

"My protagonists Starker Novac and Menma Namikaze are purely fictitious characters."

Naruto and Parker gave the African-Canadian deadpan stares, obviously not amused at his joke. Simon just simply walked up and grabbed them by their shoulders and pushed them along.

"The point is I've got a unique perspective here. You know, the whole 'man in a woman's world' kinda thing."

As he was saying this, the three walked by Chicago's work area. The bombshell was working on her nails while her assistant (AKA the mail boy) was awaiting orders while listening to heavy metal. When Chicago spotted Simon, she asked him a very important question.

"Simon, do you have any tampons?"

"Bottom drawer." Simon replied without missing a beat before going back to his main topic, "That's going to be my contribution to the world, not a pile of dirty diapers."

"Well I want kids." Parker started, "Though, I want to meet the right man first."

Unconsciously, she shifted a little closer to Naruto as she said that.

"What about you, Naruto? What's your stance on kids?" Simon asked, curious since his blond friend had been silent all this time.

That caused Naruto to think. Would he ever be a good dad? The whiskered man didn't exactly have a…normal…childhood, nor did he know of anyone who was a good role model. That line of thinking, unfortunately, caused him to think back to when he was forced to deal with _them_.

"I honestly don't know Simon." The blond stated with his eyes closed.

Simon gained a confused look at Naruto's change in attitude, but Parker instantly recognized what it was. It was easy to know since she had to deal with it the first few years of living together.

Placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, the producer gave an understanding smile to the spiky haired blond. Covering her hand with his own, Naruto sent her back a thankful look. She could always brighten his day up, ever since they were kids.

That led Naruto to think back to the original subject of the conversation. Naruto wasn't so sure if he would be a good parent, but Parker was possibly the best candidate for it.

She was kind, that much was obvious. She was determined, that was always proven whenever she had to fix a problem on the show. She was protective, you should have seen what she did to one guy who called Massimo a 'mutt' and Kurama a 'freak of nature'.

As he was thinking of all of Parker's great traits, something inside Naruto's chest grew warm and a smile couldn't help but appear on his face.

Unfortunately, all thoughts, feelings, and conversations ended when they trio walked past the elevator.

 _DING!_

The elevator doors opened revealing the worst evil anyone had ever seen on the face of the earth.

"Parker!" Dee shouted out to the raven-haired producer. "Where are we with the baby thing. Any progress?"

As she was speaking, the wig wearing show host walked over to Chicago's desk and Parker soon followed after her, as well as Naruto and Simon.

"Yeah, yeah! Naruto and I dropped by Sperm Salon but," She began hesitantly.

How was she supposed to tell her that she was too old to have any kids without becoming Parker BBQ?

"But what?" Dee asked/demanded.

"It's still going to take nine months." Parker lied

Dee raised an eyebrow at that piece of information.

"You told them I was a celebrity, right?"

Naruto almost facepalmed himself. Was this woman really that stupid? She was treating the process of having a baby as if it were getting a new set of shoes mail ordered. That made him angry.

"Sorry Dee. Fame has no effect on the process of creating life." Naruto snapped, surprising both the hostess and Parker.

Dee after getting over Naruto's outburst then decided to rant.

"But babies are in now!" Dee shouted, drawing the attention of the other workers at Bellamy Broadcasting.

"Do you understand?! I want a baby now!"

The hostess then proceeded to get in Parker's face and shout as loud as she could as if to get her point across even more.

"NOW!" She yelled.

Parker's ears rang from the sudden intake of loud noise and covered them as a result. Naruto was immediately at her side, checking to make sure she was alright.

"You okay?" He asked with concern.

"What!?" She replied, not able to hear him over the ringing in her ears.

While Parker and Naruto were testing to make sure the producer wasn't deaf, the cause of Parker's ringing ears decided to leave.

Reaching into her purse, Dee pulled out a bottle of Vodka, jumped back first into the mailcart, and proceeded to drink from it like a baby would with a milk bottle. The mailcart was then pushed away by Chicago's assistant and off to her office.

By that time the ringing inside Parker's ears had finally subsided, just in time for her and the rest of the people present to watch Dee's departure.

"If she wants a baby so bad, all she needs to do is look in the mirror." Naruto muttered.

Parker just sighed before turning to her idiot of an intern.

"Chicago, could you please find an adoption agency that gives babies to aging, vodka dependent, quasi-celebrity divas?"

Before the bombshell could even respond, Parker was already inside the elevator and waiting for the doors to close.

"Where are you going?" Naruto inquired.

Holding the doors open, Parker answered.

"To freeze my eggs, just in case."

With that, the producer let the doors close. Seeing Dee right now was exactly the motivation that she needed to go back to Sperm Salon.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Elevator_

Letting the elevator close, Parker sighed and tried to hype herself up for what she was about to do.

' _I can do this. It's just having a few embryos on standby, that's all.'_ She thought to herself.

All of a sudden, her phone rang, breaking her concentration. Digging into her pocket, the producer pulled out her communication device and saw that the call was coming from her home number. Curious as to what the call could have been about, Parker pressed the answer button.

"Hello?"

" _Hey Parker."_ Massimo's voice replied from the other end.

"Hey Massimo, what's up?"

" _I'm bored."_ The dog drawled out.

"Sweetie, what are the rules about you calling me at work?" She asked as if scolding a child.

" _Parker, Parker, Parker,"_ The sound of something falling in the background was heard. _"Don't you realize? Work is just a veil that keeps us from being who we really are."_

Parker rolled her eyes at Massimo's statement, then realized something.

"Massimo, have you been eating the flowers in the window box again?"

Silence was the answer for a few seconds before Massimo answered.

" _Uh…no."_ He replied hesitantly.

" _Yes!"_ Kurama's voice shouted out.

Parker heard Massimo trying to quiet the talking fox. While she was waiting, she didn't realize that the elevator had stopped and that someone had entered.

"Sweetie, can't you and your brother find something to keep yourself busy? Mommy and Daddy will be home soon." She stated, her voice returning to the tone she used at the beginning of the conversation.

" _Don't demean yourself, you're not my mommy. We have an adult friendship that goes beyond that."_

" _And he's not my brother!"_ Kurama shouted out in defiance.

"I'll talk to you later pumpkin." She teased before hanging up the phone.

"I hadn't realized that you and Naruto had a child." A familiar, British voice from behind her asked.

Parker gasped and threw her hands up in shock, also throwing her phone up in the air as well. Fortunately, a hand shot up and caught it.

Turning around, Parker's shock instantly turned to bitterness as she realized who exactly it was who had surprised her.

Blake Bellamy.

"Hello Parker." He greeted happily, though if one were to look beyond the surface, they would see there was a hint of nervousness.

"Blake." She replied coldly.

The CEO of Bellamy Broadcasting held out Parker's phone to her. She took it, though was reluctant to do so.

' _Great, now I'm going to have to scrub this clean.'_ She thought.

Shoving the phone in her pocket, Parker desperately counted the seconds until she could leave the moving room and get away from him. Sure, he gave her the promotion that she wanted, but that didn't mean that all was forgiven. For all she knew, he was secretly providing information to _them_ about her and Naruto.

Well, if that were the case…

"No, we don't have any kids." Parker stated coldly.

"Then who was it that you were-"

"Nobody." She said, cutting him off.

Blake sighed. He thought he was making progress with Parker and Naruto. He wanted to prove that he wasn't like the rest of _them_. Blake was too young at the time to understand what had happened, but now that he was a fully matured adult, let's just say that he was completely against what happened.

If he was going to make any progress, he had to start from somewhere, and what better way was there than having a forced conversation inside a cramped room?

"Well then," He began, gaining Parker's attention. "Any plans for some?"

Parker raised an eyebrow at Blake's question.

"Some what?" She asked in confusion.

"Some children." He stated as if it were obvious. "After all, you two have been a couple for a while."

Everything came to a hard stop in Parker's mind. He thought that her and Naruto were _together_. That was preposterous. They were best friends, nothing more, nothing less.

"I'm sorry," Parker began, holding her hands up in a placating way, "You think Naruto and I are a couple?"

"Aren't you?" Blake asked.

It definitely seemed like that from his limited interaction with the two. They were always together at work, and they even lived together. There was always some unspoken chemistry between them. Everyone noticed it except them. Not to mention, Parker stood by Naruto when it came to the incident with _them_ …

"No." Parker stated firmly.

The two of them stayed silent as the elevator continued to descend to the ground floor. While Blake was trying his best to look anywhere other than Parker's location, Parker was currently having a battle with her curiosity.

Why did Blake think they were a couple?

"Why did you think Naruto and I were together?" She asked.

"The way the two of you act, care for each other, and live together are some of the basic reasons. Though, it's nothing compared to how you two stuck together after what happened with _them-_ "

Blake cut himself off, but it was too late.

At the mention of the _incident_ , as all the parties involved called it, Parker froze. Her hands clenched into fists so tight that her knuckles turned white. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as memories of that night returned.

"Parker, I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"Don't. Just move on with what you meant." She croaked out.

Blake closed his eyes and mentally berated himself for even thinking of bringing that subject up. Now, for all he knew, the progress he had made had been sent back to zero.

"What I'm trying to say," Blake sighed, "Is that it seems that you and Naruto kind of…complete each other. You're strong in areas where he is not and vice versa. It wouldn't surprise anyone if one day, you two settled down together."

Anything she may have or could have responded with was interrupted by the elevator dinging, signaling they were at the ground floor. As soon as the doors were opened enough to where she could squeeze herself through, Parker bolted for the lobby's exit.

"Where are you going? You're not leaving early, are you?" Blake called out. Although they had history, Blake was still technically her boss.

Parker didn't respond.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Chicago's Desk_

Chicago was on her computer, doing what Parker told her and looking for adoption agencies for Dee. Her assistant was sitting next to her, spaced out of his mind.

"Reliable Adoptions." Chicago stated as she read the website description. "Boring."

She scrolled down.

"Serious Adoptions for Responsible Parents, nope."

She scrolled down again. This time, she found something that caught her interest.

"Quick and Yummy Adoptions. Now that's more like it."

Pulling out her phone, Chicago dialed the number the website had provided. After a few rings, the person on the other end picked up the phone.

" _Quick and Yummy?"_ A man's voice asked.

"Hi, I'd like to order a baby."

" _Got it. One baby, you want extra cheese with that?"_

"Uh…okay! How long will it take?"

" _24 hours or its free."_

The person on the other end of the line hung up the phone before anything else could be said. Chicago didn't mind though.

"They sound very professional." She stated to her assistant.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Front Entrance_

Parker sighed and closed her eyes as she walked back to the entrance of the building.

She had made it all the way to Sperm Salon and was ready to get her eggs extracted when suddenly, her mind had decided it was a good idea to have second thoughts. One thing led to another, and eventually Parker just decided to not have her embryo's harvested.

As she made her way back, Parker found herself remembering Blake's words.

" _What I'm trying to say," Blake sighed, "Is that it seems that you and Naruto kind of…complete each other."_

Unfortunately, Parker was too deep into thought to notice that she was about to run into someone.

The wind was knocked out of her when her body collided with another's. Snapped out of her thoughts, Parker immediately began to apologize, only to realize that she had bumped into a familiar, orange wearing back.

"Oh, hey Parker." Naruto greeted, "How was the eggsicle making go?"

"It didn't," Parker admitted reluctantly, "I got cold feet, no pun intended, and left."

Naruto put a comforting hand on her shoulder and sent her a warm smile.

"Don't worry. It's probably for the best-"

Before Naruto could complete his statement, a van with the title _Quick and Yummy_ _Pizza_ _Adoption Agency_ came barreling down the side of the street and made a sudden stop in front of Naruto and Parker.

To the blonde's surprise, the man that he had seen at the Sperm Salon exited the driver's side of the van and walked up to them.

"You with the Dee Show?" He asked.

"Uh…yeah?" Naruto replied uncertainly.

To his and Parker's surprise, the man went to the back of his van, opened it, pulled out a baby stroller, and placed it in front of them.

"This is for you." The man stated as if he didn't just place a small child in front of them.

Peering inside, the duo was even more shocked to find a little baby of Asian descent sleeping peacefully underneath a blanket. Looking at each other, Parker and Naruto tried to find any sign of knowledge about what was happening in the other's face. They were then interrupted when the man cleared his throat.

"Not to interrupt, but do you validate parking?"

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Dee's Dressing Room_

After getting over the initial shock of having a live baby being dropped right in front of them, as well as validating the delivery guy's parking, Naruto and Parker opted not to leave the young child alone outside and brought him up to Dee's office to share the good news with everyone else.

Parker and Chicago were instantly cooing over the now awake infant, while Simon, Naruto, and Russel were off to the side. The supposed new mother of the baby was currently seated in her salon chair, reading the newest fashion magazine and completely in her own little world.

"Aw, isn't it sweet?" Parker commented as she shook a rattle in front of the infant.

The baby giggled innocently, amused by the toy.

Dee finally decided to look up from her reading material and stared at her 'adopted' child before noticing something.

"It's so tiny. Oh no! Does my baby make me look fat?" She asked with more seriousness that thought possible.

Before anyone could answer, Russel decided to save the day with the powers of kiss up.

"Oh, please! You're a stick!"

Dee sighed in relief. Unfortunately, that relief was short lived when another thought entered her mind.

"Does my baby look fat?"

Russel brought his hand up and stroked his hand in contemplation.

"Well, I could hollow out those chubby cheeks a little, give them that sexy starved look." He stated.

Everyone sans Dee and Russel gave negative reactions at the stylist's idea. However, Naruto's reaction was a tad more extreme.

The blond internally cringed as Russel's statement triggered something in him.

' _Bastards deserve to starve!'_

Eye's narrowed in fury, the whiskered producer paced over to Dee's sidekick.

Naruto grabbed Russel by the front of his tank top and yanked the tan stylist towards him, shocking everyone. Almost nose to nose, Russel gulped in fear when he saw the look of murderous intent in Naruto's eyes. The whiskered blonde's mouth contorted into a snarl as he said his next words.

"You even think about touching those babies, and I will **break** you." Naruto snarled.

Russel said nothing, too afraid to even nod his head. Seeing that he had put the fear of God into him, Naruto released his grip on Russel's shirt, letting the stylist fall down to his knees in terror. Turning around, the whiskered blond was greeted with shocked stares for his actions.

"What?" He asked as if nothing happened.

No one said anything, and Naruto returned back to where he was standing before his outburst.

"Anyways," Parker began, hoping to steer the conversation somewhere else, "Dee, would you like to hold your son?"

"It's a boy?" She asked with a raised brow. "It's so hard to tell underneath that hideous blanket."

That part was true. The baby was covered with a thick, wool blanket that covered everything except his head. Though Naruto could have sworn he saw something underneath the blanket move every few seconds.

Dee then draped her arm across her forehead and looked away dramatically.

"Quick, get rid of it before my baby's permanently imprinted with bad taste." She ordered.

Parker did as she was ordered. Grabbing the blanket with both hands, the producer yanked away the piece of fabric, and everyone gasped at what they saw.

"Oh my God!" Chicago began, "It's got two heads! It's going to be so smart!"

Apparently, the baby that they were given had a sibling with him. A sister to be more accurate, if the pink booties she had were any clue. However, that wasn't the thing that shocked everyone. In fact, that detail was minor compared to what the group was seeing.

The boy's left side and the girl's right side were connected, as if their skin decided to combine and become one singular patch.

Simon shook himself out of his stupor and corrected the bombshell.

"They're conjoined twins, Chicago."

Parker was ecstatic. Ever since she was a little girl, she adored twins. To her, a twin was always the one person someone could count on and have his or her back. Conjoined twins were even better than regular ones because the two siblings would always experience things together.

"A boy and a girl! Isn't that wonderful?" Parker asked Dee.

"Never mind, are they stylish enough?" Dee replied, not even caring about the new development.

"It's the best of both worlds," Parker explained, trying to convince Dee that the two were a good idea.

"Not to mention they're so…so…" Parker continued, trying to find something that Dee would like.

Finally, an idea popped into Parker's head that she knew Dee wouldn't be able to resist.

"Rare! Trust me, soon everyone will want one, I mean, two."

While Dee and Parker were talking, Naruto had decided to get a better look at the twins.

Walking up to them and peering over the edge, the whiskered blond smiled as the babies giggled and cooed. All of a sudden, the babies stopped making noise and stared up with curious expressions. At first, Naruto was afraid that he had scared them, but immediately dismissed those thoughts when he saw the look of recognition.

Most don't seem to notice, but Naruto was actually of mixed race. He was Japanese on his mother's side and Canadian on his…father's...side. The twins probably recognized that he was of Asian decent as well as them.

He chuckled when they simultaneously cocked their heads to the side as they stared up at him.

Reaching down, Naruto tickled the underside of the twins' chins, causing them to giggle.

"That's right. I'm like you guys."

Naruto continued to tickle them, and the babies continued to laugh. All of a sudden, the babies stopped laughing and their cheeks puffed up.

Naruto, knowing enough about babies and the types of things they do, decided to move out of the way of their mouths.

"You're right! Come to Mama."

Unfortunately, Naruto didn't have time to warn Dee before the babies unleashed the vomit that had been stored up in their mouths and blasted the hostess.

"Blerrghh!" Dee gagged, wiping the vomit away from her eyes.

The babies giggled and clapped their hands at Dee's misfortune, not even caring that their mouths were also covered in vomit.

"Filthy little trolls." Dee grumbled as she walked away.

"Nice one." Naruto whispered to the giggling babies.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Janitor's Closet_

Naruto was currently leaning against the door to Parker and his office, checking all outlets of communication.

Recently, he had been getting repeated calls from the same number. They were all ignored, however, because Naruto just assumed that it was some telemarketer. Though, that idea may not be reliable since there were no voicemails left.

Putting his phone away, Naruto decided it was time to get back to reality and listened in on Parker and Simon, who had just barged in with Parker carrying the twins, arguing about said babies.

Simon sat down at Parker's computer station and growled while wringing his hat in anger.

"Can you believe they created an exploding computer super virus!" He shouted in frustration.

Parker, who had seated herself in the chair opposite of Simon, didn't seem to be angry at that news. Instead, she was in awe of how two not-even-a-year-olds managed to do such a feat.

"They did? Wow, they must be super smart!" She stated in amazement.

"They destroyed me baby!" Simon exclaimed.

"It was only three pages." Naruto deadpanned, adding his two cents in.

Simon cradled face with his hands in sorrow for his lost literature.

"It's still my baby." He cried out.

Before Naruto could say anything else, the door he was leaning against burst open, sending him flying to the other side of the room. Landing on his torso, Naruto felt the wind knocked out of him as the tile floor made contact with his ribs.

While trying to get air back in his lungs, the blonde producer turned on his side to look at what exactly had caused him to go flying and almost rolled his eyes.

Dee was standing at the doorway with what appeared to be some sort of combination between a stroller and a sportscar.

"So, what do you think?" Dee began, not giving anyone time to question what she was doing there.

She gestured to the item she brought with her, "My babies' first sports stroller. It's a Prambergite."

"It's fully automated."

As if on cue, the mechanized stroller began to shake as it's engine activated.

"Air conditioned,"

A tiny fan shot up and began blowing cool air everywhere.

"GPS,"

A tiny antenna shot up next to the fan.

"Oh, and it can turn into a helicopter."

The top of the stroller opened up and helicopter popped out. Soon enough, the blades began to spin, and the stroller was airborne. Unfortunately, Parker had to duck to the ground because as soon as the stroller/helicopter highbred lifted off the ground, it shot forward.

The stroller crashed through the room's window and flew into the open air outside. Naruto and Parker got to their feet and peered through the window to see what untold destruction the stroller was causing, only to duck as the flying baby carrier flew back into the room.

The stroller flew directly past Dee and into the various cubicles of Bellamy Broadcasting, causing more and more destruction if the noises heard were anything to go by.

The stroller was soon forgotten when Dee pulled out two expensive looking bottles of milk and handed them to the twins.

"Here you go sweethearts," Dee said as she handed them drinks, "Who could resist one hundred percent real crystal."

The twins took the bottles with confused looks on their faces, looked at each other, nodded in agreement on something only they knew about, and looked back at Dee with narrowed eyes.

Said hostess was in her own little world when suddenly, the two bottles that she had given the twins were thrown at her. Thankfully, Dee managed to duck just in time to avoid being hit by the liquid containers. Said containers, after missing their target, shattered when they struck the wall behind Dee.

"Apparently babies can resist one hundred percent real crystal." Naruto joked as Dee stood back up.

Dee put a hand on her chin in contemplation.

"I think they wanted the ones from Tiffany's," She stated before beaming, "They do have good taste!"

"So," Parker began, taking control of the conversation again, "Have you thought of any names?"

"Oh, you know me. I'm all about designer brands." She stated, waving her hand in a dismissive nature.

"I mean for the twins," Parker replied, gesturing to the babies in her lap, "It's kind of important. Unless you just want to keep calling them 'the twins'?"

Simon leered at the babies from behind his desk.

"How about Crash and Burn?" He stated, glaring at the destroyers of his work.

The twins saw his glare and gained looks of fear. Fortunately, Naruto was there to save them.

"How about Black and Blue?" Naruto threatened, punching into the palm of his fist and giving Simon a look that promised pain to come.

"Fruits and vegetables are really in right now." Dee interjected, not caring about the conversation Naruto and Simon were having.

A lightbulb then went off in Dee's head as she thought of something.

"Kiwi and Beet?" She suggested.

Parker cringed at the rather stupid choice of naming from her boss.

"I don't think you want the word vegetable associated with your kids." Parker began.

Looking down at them, she gave the two a little tickle, causing them to laugh with glee.

"Maybe their names should reflect their ethnicity? They are from China."

Parker then lifted the babies above her head and stared at their rears.

"At least that's what's stamped on their bottoms."

Naruto walked over to Parker and positioned his head next to her's. Following her line of sight, Naruto soon found himself surprised to find that she was right.

Stamped right in the dead center of their diapers was the words MADE IN CHINA. For some reason, Naruto swore he heard a gong go off somewhere.

"What do you know? It does" He whispered softly.

"Okay," Dee began, taking in the new information, "What about Chop and Sei, my favorite Chinese food."

Simon saw a chance to let his knowledge of fast food shine at that moment.

"Chop Sei isn't Chinese. It's a totally North American invention. Back in-"

Before he could finish, what appeared to be two beams of energy incinerated a stack of papers lying right in front of Simon. The nerdy man exclaimed in shock before falling out of his chair at the sudden attack. Pulling himself up, Simon peered over the desk's edge to see where the beams came from, only to gulp in fear.

Dee was wearing a strained smile while her smoke floated away from her pupils.

"How about Shut and Up?" Dee suggested through clenched teeth

Naruto brought his right hand around his mouth and whispered to Parker.

"How does she do that?"

Parker could only shrug.

Giggling drew the group's attention, and all looked down to see the twins were giving each other hugs.

"Aww, look at how well they care for each other." Parker cooed at the adorable babies.

Naruto smiled at how well the two got along with each other. Most brothers and sisters would usually be enemies at that age, but these two seemed to be the pure contradiction.

"They're so harmonious, like Yin and Yang." Naruto stated.

Yet another lightbulb came to Dee's head, and thankfully, it was a little bit brighter than before.

"That's it! Yin and Yang!" She exclaimed in excitement.

What happened next surprised everyone.

"Yin!" The boy shouted.

"Yang!" The girl added.

If Parker wasn't excited before, she was now.

"Look, they're already talking!" She stated in awe.

Dee gained a cocky smirk as she placed a hand on her chest.

"They've obviously inherited my gift-"

"Gaining superhuman traits when easily angered?" Naruto asked Parker in a whisper.

Dee didn't seem to hear him over her own ego and continued.

"My babies are going to knock those supermodel babies out of the water and back to the produce department where they belong!"

With that Dee turned to leave the office.

"I'll see you tomorrow, ladies!" She called from over her back.

"We're guys!" Naruto and Simon shouted back.

Just as Dee was about to leave, Parker decided to remind her of something very, very important that she was about to leave behind.

"Uh, Dee?"

The hostess stopped at the doorway and turned around and faced Parker with a raised eyebrow, wondering why her subordinate was keeping her from heading home.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Parker asked.

Dee remained silent, oblivious as to what it might be.

Parker sighed before gesturing to the twins in her lap.

"Yin and Yang?"

The gears in the hostess's head finally started turning as she realized that mothers were supposed to take their offspring home and not pawn them off on their employees.

"Oh, right." She stated.

Dee walked over to Parker and scooped up Yin and Yang from the female producer's lap.

"I can't wait to see if you match with my couch." She told them as if they were an accessory.

At that statement, Naruto narrowed his eyes at the attitude Dee had about the twins. He only hoped that she had enough kindness in that black heart of hers to at least care for them properly.

* * *

 _Dee's Penthouse-Living Room_

Being the host of your own TV show meant that you get paid the big bucks, and Dee liked to spend the big bucks when she received them.

That's why she lived in one of the most expensive areas of the upper parts of the city. (2) The penthouse she lived in was the very definition of the word _loaded_. Fancy artwork and décor covered the walls and ceiling of the room.

Dee didn't really know what to do with babies. She herself didn't exactly have normal parents growing up, so she didn't have much to go off of when it came to mothering.

She was raised by cougars…literally. When she was a baby, Dee was left in the woods as a baby and a group of the wild cats had found her and, instead of eating her, decided to raise her.

For that reason, she had decided to go off instinct when it came to raising Lin and Jang no- Ying and Yang. She needed to right that down for reference.

That's why she had the conjoined twins on the opposite side of her couch and asked them a very serious question.

"I'm thinking of having this reupholstered, what do you think?" She asked while rubbing the couch's leather exterior.

The babies' response was to gnaw on the aforementioned material.

"Well I guess I have too now." Dee said to herself.

 _Timeskip_

 _Dee's Penthouse-Bathroom_

It was time for Dee and the babies to get cleaned up for bed. The hostess, who was now garbed in her pajamas, put the twins right next to the tub while she put on her regular facial mask. Just as she applied the first cucumber slice on her left eye, Dee realized something.

Mothers were supposed to give their children gifts to show that they cared. That was the case whenever her cougar mother brought home a few extra rabbits along with the usual deer when hunting.

' _But what would my children like?'_ She thought to herself.

An idea formed in her head when she looked at the facial cream she had applied on her face through the mirror.

"How about a treat?" Dee asked as she put the second cucumber slice on her other eye. "It's never too early to fight the signs of aging."

The twins, who were currently chewing on a bar of soap, didn't seem to like that idea very much. In fact, it appeared that they were so against the idea, that they jumped up in fright and fell into the bath. Thankfully, the water was only at chest height for them, so they didn't drown.

"Careful with those ultra swade diapers, they're dry clean only!" Dee warned them.

 _Timeskip_

 _Dee's Penthouse-Bedroom_

Two hours. Two whole hours is how long the babies had been crying in their crib.

After pulling them out of the bath and getting them ready for bed, Dee was in the middle of her mantra when Yin and Yang decided to start wailing out loud.

After trying and failing again to begin her chant, Dee sighed out stressfully.

"Cry, cry, cry," She began, "Is that all you ever do?"

The babies responded to that question by stopping their tears and gnawing on the wooden parts of their crib.

It was only then Dee noticed the pattern that was going on.

"If I didn't know any better," Dee stated, gaining the twins' attention, "I would think you were hungry."

The twins stopped their gnawing and gave Dee looks of hope at the thought of finally breaking through to her.

"But you just ate five hours ago. No one likes a chubby baby." Dee chided them.

Only for their hopes to come crashing down, catch on fire, the remaining ashes eaten by some animal, and then crapped out.

The twins began to wail again, and finally pushed Dee over the edge.

"Would you stop that please?" She demanded, "Every hour of sleep I lose ads another ten months to my face on camera."

The babies didn't care and continued to cry.

Finally, Dee conceded. If there was one thing she cared about more than people judging her based on those connected to her, it was people judging her based on how old she looked on TV.

"Alright!" She screamed.

Walking over to Yin and Yang, Dee pulled out two bottles of vodka from…somewhere, popped off their lids with her thumbs, and presented them to the twins.

"Stop being such babies and take your bottles!"

To Dee's horror, the babies didn't accept the alcohol and continued to cry out. Dee soon began to join them

* * *

 _Naruto and Parker's Apartment-Naruto's Room_

While Dee was dealing with the issues of parenting, our blond hero was across town trying to sleep. Unfortunately, the universe decided he shouldn't have a sound slumber that night.

 _Naruto's Dream_

" _Bastards deserve to starve!"_

" _It's your fault she's dead!"_

" _You're nothing more than an animal, and now I'm going to make sure you look the part."_

 _End Dream_

Naruto shot up from his bed, sweaty and gasping for air. Realizing that it was all a dream, the whiskered blonde sighed out in relief. Rubbing his face, Naruto waited for his heartbeat to slow down enough so he could get back to sleep.

As time went by and his body calmed down, Naruto reflected on what exactly had caused his uninterrupted awakening.

It had been so long since he had one of those dreams, Naruto had almost forgotten he ever had them to begin with. But why were they back? He thought he was past this. Past _them_. Yet here he was, waking up in a cold sweat during the middle of the night.

"It's been awhile since you last had one of those, kit." A voice stated at the end of Naruto's bed.

The whiskered blond peered through the darkness of the room to see who was talking. Naruto felt weight shift at the end of the bed and could barely make out the shape of a mass bundled up on top of the sheets. Almost certain of who it was, the spiky haired producer had his suspicions confirmed when a blood red eye, pupil shaped like that of a cat's, opened up and stared at him.

Naruto sighed before flipping over the covers of his bed and moving to where he was sitting on its edge.

"Yeah, it has Kurama." He agreed, cradling his face in hands.

The bed creaked, and Naruto turned to see the mass from before unfurling into nine different tails attached to a fox and crawl over next to him.

"Anything happened recently that would cause them to return?" The talking fox asked his owner.

Naruto sighed again before flopping backwards on his bed. Of course, he knew what had brought them back, it was obvious.

"It's something that Russel said about Yin and Yang today."

Naruto felt the bed creak again as Kurama followed him. Before long, Naruto was face to face with his nine-tailed companion leaning down to him.

"Those little brats that the she-devil 'adopted'?" Kurama asked, sitting on his hind legs and making air quotes with his paws at the word "adopted".

The nine-tailed fox had a habit of giving everyone he met nicknames, and she-devil was the nickname that Kurama gave Dee. Just like whenever he called Naruto 'kit' or Massimo 'fleabag', Kurama would always refer to Dee as 'she-devil'. The only person he has never given a nickname was Parker, and when he was asked why, he simply replied with, "She doesn't annoy me."

"Yeah," Naruto began. "Dee was actually stupid enough to think that the babies were fat and asked Russel if they could get some work done. He replied with, and I quote 'I guess I could give them that sexy, starved look.'"

Kurama's blood red eyes widened a fraction in response and what it implied. Seeing his reaction, Naruto was quick to act.

"Don't worry, I made sure that if he even plucked one hair off their heads, I would pluck his legs off his body."

Kurama's snout morphed into a grin, revealing shiny white, and somewhat sharp, teeth.

"That's my kit." The fox stated, pride evident in his voice.

However, his grin morphed back into a frown as he thought back to the subject of their conversation.

"So," Kurama began, "I'm also guessing that Russel's statement struck a nerve because of something other than the obvious."

"Yep." Naruto simply stated, nodding his head once.

"Something involving _them_?" The fox asked, spitting the word 'them' out like it was venom.

"Yep." Naruto replied again, not at all affected by Kurama's change in tone.

"You want to tell me what it was?"

"Nope."

Kurama sighed at the whiskered blonde's answer, but nonetheless respected his response.

After that, the two sat in silence. Naruto was deep in thought, and Kurama was ready to go back to sleep. Moving over to where he was laying, Kurama walked in a circle a few times before lying down. Using his tails, the fox wrapped himself up in his long, fluffy appendages. When he was finished, the animal looked like a furry cocoon.

About ten minutes past, and just as Naruto was about to try to go to bed, Kurama's layer of warmth opened up slightly and the fox's red eyes became visible again.

"So, what are you going to do?" He asked, his voice muffled slightly by the tails.

"About what?" The whiskered blond inquired, tilting his head to the side.

Naruto could see the fox's eyes roll from underneath his dome.

"About the whole 'She-devil thinks Yin and Yang are fat' deal?"

"I still don't follow." Naruto replied in a confused tone.

Kurama sighed at just how dumb his human was currently being. Seriously, was it really that hard to think?

"Let me put it to you like this. The she-devil wanted the twins to look thinner, so she asked this 'Russel' to do some work on them, right?"

Naruto nodded.

"Then, you threatened the stylist with physical harm so that he wouldn't, right?"

Again, Naruto nodded.

"Right now, she-devil is all alone with the twins, and it's obvious that she probably still thinks they're overweight. Unless she suddenly got a license to perform plastic surgery, the only way that she could possibly get them to lose weight fast is by…"

The talking fox trailed off, hoping that Naruto would be able to figure it out. The talking canine watched as the gears in Naruto's head slowly began to turn Slowly but surely, the whiskered blond pieced together what exactly Kurama was implying.

As soon as he did though, Naruto shot up from his position he was laying in and got on his feet.

"She's not going to feed them!" Naruto exclaimed in shock.

"Knew you would figure it out." Kurama mumbled from beneath his tails.

Naruto's heart began to race. Dee was either going to forget to feed them, or not feed them on the premise of them being chubby. That was almost exactly like _them_. He wouldn't let that happen. He _couldn't_ let that happen. He had to do something.

"I've got to get over there." Naruto began, only to stop when he realized something.

' _What if Parker wakes up while I'm gone?'_ He asked himself.

Naruto knew his friend better than anyone, that's why he knew that if she found out what he was going to do, she would probably lock him up in every way and shape possible. He wasn't kidding either, she actually had that many traps.

The reason for that was because a while back, there was a rash of break ins at Naruto and Parker's apartment complex. Naturally, the two friends decided to get a few more security measures for their door, such as another deadbolt lock on the door and making sure to look through the peephole before letting anyone in.

It was only when the break ins started to get closer to the apartment that Parker decided to get a little…creative. He learned the hard way what exactly his friend did to their apartment

 _Flashback_

Naruto and Parker's Apartment

 _It was around noon when Naruto arrived at the door to his and Parker's apartment. Normally, he would be at Bellamy Broadcasting, but he was allowed to leave early because of Dee's latest Code Red._

 _The Dee Show's guest for that day was a spiritual weight loss guru who believed in only natural remedies instead of liposuction and plastic surgery. Things were going along smoothly; the guru was explaining his methods of natural weight loss and Dee was pretending to care. Though, it all came to a halt when the guru saw Dee pouring herself a fourth martini._

 _The guru then began to preach about how drinking alcohol all the time was a fast way to reverse all weight loss. As he continued, the guru didn't notice Dee's furious expression or her ragged breathing. The final straw was when he said that someone like Dee was a good example of what he was saying._

 _Apparently, Dee didn't like it when someone criticized her for drinking so much. One thing led to another,_ _and it seemed that the hostess had enough and, through the power of feminine fury and partial drunkenness, pounced the poor man._

 _Saying that she 'attacked' him was like saying that a coma was just a 'light nap'. The things Dee did to that man, just thinking about it made Naruto shudder in horror. The whiskered blond didn't even know that you could shove a vodka bottle in_ there, _but Dee had proven him wrong. He had never seen the hostess so angry before._

 _It got even worse when they tried to send in the studio's claw to pull her away. Let's just say they needed to order a replacement. Again._

 _After separating Dee from her victim, Naruto and Parker had to cut the episode short because of just how bad the purple wearing woman_ _ **broke**_ _the guru. Parker nearly vomited at the sight. Thankfully, they managed to get him to the hospital just in time._

 _However, there was good news and bad news when they arrived. Bad news, the guru's lawyer showed up to the hospital at the same time as them and said if The Dee Show didn't pay for his client's medical expenses and then some, then the guru would sue. The good news? The doctors assured them that they could surgically remove Dee's shoe from his colon once he was out of intensive care, much to the hostess's delight._

 _Afterwards, the staff of The Dee Show were told they could leave early due to 'technical difficulties.' While Naruto took the opportunity to spend the rest of the day at home, Parker decided to stay behind and make sure there were no aftereffects of the 'incident' between Dee and the health guru._

 _Walking up to the apartment door with a smile on his face, Naruto shoved his hand inside his pocket and began to dig around for his keys. Once had his fingers looped through the metal ring that held them together, Naruto pulled them out, unlocked the door, walked through-_

" _Kurama! Massimo! Dee allowed me to come home early so-OH SHIT!"_

 _Only to feel something shoot up from underneath his feet and wrap around him from the top of his shoulders to his ankles. As soon as whatever it was that wrapped around him was tightened to the point where he could move his arms or legs, the whiskered blond felt something pull his feet out from under him and hoisted him up in the air, feet first._

 _Looking down_ (or would it be up?) _at the bindings that held him in place, Naruto struggled to get free. However, all his thrashing did was start to cause him to rotate slowly in the air. (3)_

" _Oh, hey Naruto!" A voice to his side cheered._

 _It took a few seconds for his body to turn to where the voice came from, but when it did, Naruto almost laughed at the sight._

 _Massimo was dangling mid air like himself, but instead of being bound by rope and hoisted upside down, the talking dog was trapped inside a birdcage._

" _Glad you could join the party." Kurama's voice grumbled from the blonde's upper left._

 _Once again, Naruto had to wait until the rope holding him decided to make its way over to where the fox's voice came from._

 _Kurama's back was attached to the ceiling by an oversized piece of flypaper. His nine tails dangled down as if they were some sort of fluffy decoration. Half of the fox's face was pressed up against the paper, leaving only his left eye free to gaze at Naruto and Massimo._

" _Where did all of this come from?" Naruto questioned his fellow prisoners._

" _Parker." Both answered simultaneously._

'That makes sense.' _Naruto thought to himself._

 _Parker was kind of paranoid when it came to intruders, and it was suspicious for her to actually take a day off from working._

" _Any chance either of you can get free?" Naruto asked them._

" _If we did, we wouldn't be hanging here, now would we?" Kurama asked sarcastically._

" _Right, sorry." Naruto apologized, bashfully._

 _The three sat in silence, waiting on the time to pass until Parker got home to deactivate all of her traps and free them._

" _So," Naruto began, gaining their attention, "Any idea on what we should do in the meantime?"_

" _Oooooo, we could play I Spy!" Massimo exclaimed excitedly._

" _You're colorblind." Kurama deadpanned._

" _Well at least I'm suggesting something!"_

 _Naruto sighed as Kurama and Massimo got into another one of their usual arguments, and silently prayed that Parker got home soon._

Timeskip-6 hours Later

" _Guys, I'm home. Good news, the guy breaking into the apartments has been caught." Parker stated happily as she entered the apartment._

 _Only to stop at the sight of her handiwork._

" _All he does is insult me. Whenever I come up with a suggestion or say something, Kurama always seems to have the need to add some snippy comeback." Massimo stated from inside his cage._

" _So how does that make you feel?" Naruto asked the downcast dog._

" _Like I'm nothing, and that's all our friendship is." Massimo replied with a downcast expression._

 _Naruto nodded his head before shifting his gaze over to the aforementioned fox, who now had a neutral expression on his face._

" _Kurama, now that you've heard what Massimo had to say, what do you think?"_

 _The fox muttered something unintelligible to the blond producer._

" _What was that?" Naruto pressured._

" _I said, I think I'm sorry, and that I should try to be a better friend." The fox admitted reluctantly._

 _Naruto beamed with pride at the canine's answer._

" _I think that concludes this session." Naruto stated with glee._

 _The black-haired producer cleared her throat, gaining the attention of the trapped three. Naruto struggled at the ropes until his body was turned towards Parker._

" _Oh, hey Parker!" Naruto cheered, seeing his best friend, or rather, her shoes._

 _Parker raised an eyebrow at Naruto's attitude. Someone who was tied up should not be that happy. Looking over to their trapped, furry companions, she nodded her head towards the blond, signaling she wanted an explanation._

" _Most of the kit's blood has rushed to his head." Kurama explained._

 _Parker nodded her head again, accepting the answer. Walking over to her blond friend, she kneeled down to where she was face to face with Naruto._

" _Sorry about this. I guess I got a little carried away with making sure the house was safe." Parker apologized._

" _No kidding." She heard the fox grumble from above._

" _Hey, it's all good. Although, if you don't mind me asking, how did you even afford all of this?" Naruto said drunkenly, ignoring Kurama's comment._

 _Parker averted her eyes as she thought about the truth to his question._

 _ **Flashbackception**_

 _ **Parker shielded her eyes as she brought a hammer down on a jar full of cash labeled, "Naruto's Emergency Ramen Money."**_

 _ **End Flashbackception**_

" _Uh…nowhere." She answered nervously._

 _Naruto raised an eyebrow at Parker's reluctant reply, but nonetheless relented._

 _End Flashback_

It took eight full hours to get him, Kurama, and Massimo out of the traps, and another nine hours to disarm the rest of them. It was safe to say that Naruto didn't want to deal with that again.

Turning back to Kurama's fluffy shield made of tails, Naruto pried open the dome so that he could talk to Kurama directly. Ignoring the look of annoyance that the fox's illuminating eyes were giving him, the whiskered blond then began to question the fox.

"Will you cover for me if Parker wakes up and wonders where I am?" Naruto asked his animal companion.

"Depends, will you get Parker to make some grilled fish?" The fox questioned back.

It was no secret that Kurama loved it when Parker made him fish. The way he acted when he received the aquatic animal was almost exactly the same way Naruto does when he ot Parker-made ramen.

"Good fox." Naruto replied, reaching over, squeezing his hand through the talking canine's and scratching Kurama behind his ears.

After a few seconds of scratching, Naruto heard a deep, rumbling noise coming from inside the dome. Realizing what it was, Naruto decided to tease the fox a little.

"Are you purring?" Naruto asked, humor evident in his voice.

"No." Kurama replied, slightly miffed.

"Yes, you totally are!"

"Don't you have some brats to save, kit?"

"Right, sorry." Naruto apologized, backing away from the canine.

Naruto's eyes narrowed in determination as he moved to get dressed. Looking over at his nightstand, the whiskered blond spotted his phone, and an idea came to his mind. Picking it up, Naruto noticed that there were a few missed calls from that same number that had been calling him.

' _19 missed calls in the last hour?'_ Naruto thought to himself.

Dismissing the new development in the otherwise unimportant situation and dialing the number he wanted to call, the producer held the phone up in between his cheek and shoulder so his hands were free.

After a few rings, the other end was picked up and the owner spoke.

" _Mmmm…Naruto? What-"_ The person he called yawned halfway through the sentence. _"-Time is it?"_

"About 1:43 AM, Simon. Listen, can you meet me outside Dee's house in a few minutes?"

" _Why?"_ Simon asked.

"No time to explain." Naruto answered, putting on his pants.

" _Does it have to be tonight?"_ Simon inquired.

"No, and before you refuse, I'm letting you know that this is how you're repaying me for not telling anyone about-"

" _You promised to never bring that up again!"_ Simon interrupted, now fully awake.

 _Flashback_

Bellamy Broadcasting-Janitor's Room

 _The lights inside the janitor's closet were turned off, and lit candles were placed around the room as a substitute._

 _At the center of the room, Simon sat at one end of a dining table decorated for a romantic setting, holding a glass of wine in one hand. Taking a sip of his alcoholic beverage, Simon stared at the person across the table from him with half-lidded eyes._

" _More wine, darling?" Simon asked his dining companion._

' _Darling' was actually a mop with a picture of Parker's face taped to it. It was positioned to lean against the metal folding chair that was to be its seat._

 _In response to Simon's question, the mop simply shifted to the left. Taking the movement as a 'yes', Simon moved over to the mop's side and refilled its glass with apple juice._

 _What? He had to drink for the both of them, and he'd rather not get drunk while on his lunch break._

 _Just as he sat back down in his seat, the sound of the door opening reached Simon's ears and light from the hallway entered the room. Horrified that he was about to be discovered, Simon turned his head to the now open doorway and the person standing in front of it._

" _Hey Simon, me and Parker are going out for pizza, want to-" Naruto's voice began, only to cut off halfway through the sentence._

 _The whiskered blonde's eyes widened in shock as he scanned the room and registered what he was seeing. Then his eyes met Simon's, eyes widened equally._

 _Naruto blinked._

 _Simon blinked back._

 _Slowly, Naruto brought his hands up in a surrendering gesture and backed away from the entrance. Once he was far back enough, the whiskered blond reached for the doorknob and grabbed it._

 _Pulling it shut, Naruto walked away from the door, the shocked expression still on his face._

 _End Flashback_

Let's just say that things were awkward between the two for the next week. It was only when Parker got suspicious that the two of them decided to sit down and discuss what exactly happened between the two of them. Finally, they reached an agreement.

Naruto would never mention what he witnessed to another person as long as Simon would honor one single request from Naruto without question, and now Naruto was cashing in the debt.

"I'm sorry, but this is important."

" _Alright, alright. Fine. At least I won't have to deal with the paranoia of wondering what you're gonna make me do anymore."_ With that, Simon hung up.

Naruto pocketed his phone and finished getting dressed. Once all of his articles of clothing were in their usual places, the blond producer exited his room.

Once he was in the living, Naruto quietly tiptoed past Parker's open bedroom entrance and to the apartment's door, only to realize one thing.

' _Keys, where are my keys?'_

Naruto scanned the apartment's living room, trying to remember exactly where he had placed them. However, he internally screamed when he spotted the items of question, for they were in the one place he absolutely didn't want them to be.

The keys were on the coffee table which was on the other side of the couch and on top of the couch was a sleeping Parker.

Apparently, his best friend was too tired to even get to her bed when they got home, so she decided to just sleep on the couch for the night.

' _Okay, okay. This is no big deal, Naruto. Just got to sneak over there and grab the keys.'_ He thought as he tried to hype himself up.

Tiptoeing as quietly as he could, Naruto slowly made his way over to the seating area of the living room. Moving as silently as he could around the couch, the whiskered blond reached over to the table and hooked his index finger through the center key ring.

' _Yes!'_ Naruto thought in excitement as he lifted them off the table.

 _CLINK! CLINK! CLINK!_

That excitement turned to pure terror as the keys on the ring bumped into each other as the were moved. Normally, that wouldn't have seemed like a loud noise, but in the dead middle of night, it might as well have been a gunshot.

Naruto stopped mid motion, silently cursing himself for being so careless. Looking at his sleeping friend, the blond producer hoped that the sudden noise hadn't awoken her.

The raven-haired woman's sleep didn't seem to be bothered by the noise, though it was hard to tell through the darkness of the room. Waiting a few more seconds to be sure, Naruto assumed that his best friend was still asleep.

Breathing out a sigh of relief, the whiskered blond brought the keys back to him slowly, so they wouldn't make any more noise.

"Mmmmm?"

Naruto froze when he heard Parker moan beneath him. Looking down, the spiky haired producer was frightened to see Parker sitting up slightly while rubbing her eyes.

"Naruto? What are you," The sleeping producer yawned halfway through her question, "Doing?"

He had to think quick, so he said the first thing that came to mind.

"Uhhh, nothing. In fact, this is all a dream."

Parker didn't seem to like that, since she then proceeded to scrunch up her nose and then roll over on her side, facing away from the whiskered blond, mumbling things like "Stupid dreams" and stuff.

Waiting a few seconds, Naruto heard Parker's breathing eventually return to the rate it was when she was sleeping. Breathing out a silent sigh of relief that his plan had worked, Naruto slowly brought the arm that held the keys to his motorcycle towards him carefully.

Once the keys were on his person, Naruto moved as fast as he could towards the door while not waking Parker up. Just as he was about to exit the room, Naruto turned and gave one last look to his sleeping friend.

Deciding that since that was to be her sleeping area for the rest of the night, Naruto went to get her something to keep herself warm. Opening the living room's closet, the blond producer pulled out one of the spare blankets he and Parker kept around for when they had guests. Unfolding the blanket, Naruto draped it over Parker's sleeping form and tucked her in, careful as to not wake her.

Standing back, Naruto gave himself a pat on the back for his work before gaining a look of determination. Quickly and quietly, the spiky haired blond opened the door to the apartment and walked out. While closing the door, Naruto gave the sleeping Parker one last smile.

Shutting the door completely behind him, Naruto set out to complete his mission.

* * *

 _Parker's Dream_

 _A slightly older Parker, wearing a fifties style dress, was placing a ham in the oven when she heard the apartment door open up. Turning to the door, a smile made its way onto her face as she saw the love of her life hanging up his hat and jacket._

" _Honey, I'm home." An older looking Naruto, now sporting a business suit, called out as he undid his tie._

 _The sound of feet hitting the ground was heard as a now elementary school age Yin and Yang exited their room and ran towards Naruto._

" _Dad!" They cheered as he scooped them up in his arms._

" _Who are you two?" He asked playfully. "Your certainly not my kids. Your too big to be them."_

 _Parker chuckled as she walked up to him and the two kids. When she reached him, she happily embraced her husband as they gave each other a small peck on the cheek. Yin and Yang fake-gagged as their parents showed affection to each other._

" _You won't be doing that when you're older, kids." Naruto stated as he set them down._

 _Now with both arms free, Naruto hugged his wife with all the love he could convey._

" _How were they today?" He whispered._

" _A handful, but thankfully I managed to get dinner started while juggling three other kids." She stated, pulling away from the hug._

 _Naruto smiled and went into the kitchen, putting on an orange apron as he walked by._

" _That stops now. You rest while I handle the dinner." He said._

 _Parker gave a thankful smile before settling down on the couch, only to be interrupted by a small cry coming from behind the closed door of a nearby room. Naruto gave a sympathetic smile as Parker groaned at the sound._

" _Apparently Bolt is up from his nap." Naruto joked as_ _his wife stood up from the couch and went to the room._

 _Walking through the doorway, Parker spotted her son's crib on the other side of the baby blue nursery, with cries echoing of its walls. Moving across the room, Parker spoke softly, hoping it would calm her son down._

" _It's okay Bolt, Mommy's here." She whispered as she peered over the crib's edge._

 _Her face contorted into one of horror as she covered her mouth. Her son wasn't in the crib. Instead, it was something from her worst nightmares, something she would never wish upon her worst enemies, something that made her shriek in terror._

" _So," Kurama deadpanned, wearing nothing but a baby bonnet and diaper. "You going to change me?"_

 _End Dream_

Parker's form shot up from where she was laying on the couch. Shaking the cobwebs out of her head, Parker rubbed her forehead as she thought about the dream she just had.

' _First Ancient Greece, now this? What's going on with me?'_ She thought as her attention was focused on the cause of her abrupt awakening.

Kurama and Massimo were laying on the floor in front of the couch, currently in the midst of one of their usual arguments.

"I said, are you going to change it?" The nine tailed fox questioned.

"No way, America's Next Top Model Dog is on." Massimo answered, turning the volume up on the television.

Said television was currently showing a female dog, wearing a human bra, posing for the camera.

"I don't get why you keep on watching this show, you know you wouldn't be able to do anything with any of them." Kurama grumbled as he laid on his stomach.

"For the last time. I am not fixed! Don't make me prove it!"

Parker decided to intervene before they started bickering again. Massimo would listen to her, but Kurama was another story. Fortunately, she had a plan for that.

"Guys, don't argue, I would hate to schedule another therapy session with Naruto."

Massimo cheered and Kurama growled while covering his head with his paws. Ever since they had gotten trapped because of Parker's paranoia, Massimo and he would have to have another 'therapy session' whenever they had an argument. Kurama hated it because it ended up taking at least an hour, and Massimo and him would have to 'hug it out' every time the issue was resolved.

"Thanks Parker. Hey, if you fix us some popcorn, we can snuggle up and learn how a hot picanese dog food model covers up her ringworm." Massimo suggested.

However, before the raven-haired producer could answer, her phone rang from underneath the couch cushions. Reaching inside the piece of furniture, Parker felt her fingers wrap around the form of her phone. Pulling out from inside the couch, she saw from the caller ID that it was Dee and answered immediately.

"Hello?" She answered.

" _Parker! The babies are missing!"_ Dee's voice shouted from the other end of the phone.

Any and all grogginess left from her nap suddenly vanished as Parker shot up in surprise. Heart racing, Parker began to run around her apartment, gathering up her necessary items so she could race to Dee's. While she was doing this, she continued her conversation with her boss.

"What do you mean 'missing'?"

" _When I woke up, they were gone! Their crib is empty, and I've checked everywhere!"_

"Alright, calm down. Let me get there before we call the police, okay? Just drink your vodka and wait." Parker ordered while grabbing the keys to Naruto's bike off the kitchen table.

' _I thought these were on the coffee table?'_ Parker wondered before focusing back on the moment at hand.

Her only reply was Dee hanging up after the word 'vodka'. Rolling her eyes, Parker prepared to leave the apartment, only to stop and realize something.

' _Where's Naruto?'_ She asked herself.

Assuming he was still asleep based off the fact his door was closed, Parker rushed up and slammed the door open.

"I wouldn't do that!" Kurama shouted from in front of the TV.

But it was too late.

"Naruto! We have to go. Yin and Yang are missing and-" Parker stopped in her rambling when she registered the sight before her.

"Here comes the airplane!" Naruto, back turned to Parker, exclaimed cheerfully as he guided a piece of baby carrot into each Yin and Yang's mouths.

The babies gobbled the carrots wholeheartedly, chewing on the healthy food with vigor. Once the remains were swallowed, the babies noticed Parker standing behind their feeder and squealed excitedly at the sight of her.

Naruto, who had turned around to see what exactly the cause of their excitement was, gained a nervous smile when he spotted his best friend.

"Oh, h-hey Parker!" He greeted shakily.

The producer of the Dee Show stood there dumbfounded at her discovery. Parker's eyes were as wide as physically possible, with her left twitching slightly every few seconds. Her mouth hung open, yet no sound came out.

When words finally came out, it was nothing more than random gibberish.

"Dee…babies…missing…but really here."

While her mind was processing the information bomb she had received, Kurama stood up from the TV and walked over next to the producer and gave Naruto a look of apology.

"Sorry, kit. I tried to keep her out." The fox apologized.

Naruto narrowed his eyes as his nine-tailed animal jumped on his bed and sat next to the whiskered blond.

"Bad fox. No fish for you." Naruto stated sternly.

Kurama flinched at Naruto's response, before narrowing his blood red eyes right back at Naruto. While the two were having their stare off, neither noticed Yin and Yang's eyes sparkle with wonder when they spotted Kurama's tails.

"Hey, we made a deal!"

"Which you didn't hold up your end of, so why should I?"

"I tried to stop her!"

"Yelling at someone to not do something from where you're sitting to watch TV does not count as 'trying to stop her!'"

The two would have continued their argument if it weren't for the fact that Parker's brain finally rebooted and processed the information.

"Naruto! What the he-" Noticing the babies curious stares at what she was saying, the producer quickly decided to change her vocabulary.

"-eck do you think you're doing?"

"Now I know how bad this looks, but may I explain myself?"

Parker relented, crossing her arms and taping her foot on the ground in impatience.

"Okay, it all began like this…"

 _Flashback_

Dee's Penthouse-Dee's Bedroom

 _Dee was fast asleep in her bed, cradling a bottle of vodka like a stuffed animal while her two "children" were laying wide awake in their crib._

 _The conjoined twins' stomachs rumbled, and the two almost began to cry do to the fact that Dee hadn't fed them for hours._

 _Their tears were stopped when they noticed the air vent above them opened up slightly and a head of blonde spiky hair pop out of the space made._

" _Hey guys," Naruto, sporting night vision goggles, began. "You want to get out of here?"_

 _The babies began to coo at the sight of Naruto, but quickly stopped when the whiskered blonde put a finger to his lips. Instead, they just nodded their heads enthusiastically._

 _Naruto opened the grate the rest of the way and slowly dangled his legs through the opening. Pulling out a walkie talky, Naruto spoke softly as he attached a cable to the harness he was wearing._

" _Alright Simon, lower me down gently."_

" _I'm not so sure of this N. You see, I'm not exactly 'gifted' in the strength department." Simon's voice responded on the other end of the radio_

" _Relax, you'll be fine." Naruto stated as he put the rest of his body through the air vent hole._

Play **Mission Impossible Theme**

 _While being suspended mid-air thanks to the harness, Naruto then started to be lowered towards his twin targets._

 _As he reached the halfway mark, Naruto noticed his decent being hastened and pulled out his walkie._

" _Slowly Simon." Naruto whispered into the radio._

" _Trying my best." His friend grunted, exhaustion evident in his voice. "You seriously need to lay off the ramen."_

" _I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear you say that." Naruto replied as he holstered the walkie and continued to be lowered._

 _Yin and Yang were now reaching for him, hope burning bright in their eyes. Naruto began to reach too. Their fingers were just inches apart._

'Just a little more.' _He thought._

 _Then his face met the ground. Hard._

End **Mission Impossible Theme**

 _Naruto could barely register the rope falling into a pile beside him as he cradled his hurt money maker. The blond let out a muffled howl as he felt his nose crack slightly when he checked to see if it was broken._

 _He, although still in pain, stopped in his noise making when the talk show host stirred in her sleep._

" _Mmmm…suck it… Victoria." She muttered in her sleep. "I've got all the…Blobbies and you get…nothing."_

 _Waiting for a few moments for his boss to go back to sleep, Naruto stood up, still holding his nose, and pulled out his radio._

" _Simon!" He yelled in a whispered voice._

" _What the fu-" Stopping mid-sentence, Naruto turned to the crib beside him and saw Yin and Yang looking up at him with wide innocent eyes._

" _-udge was that?" He finished, deciding to use PG language in front of the infants._

" _I told you I'm not strong!" Simon replied._

 _Naruto sighed before speaking again._

" _Do you still have enough rope to pull me back up?" He asked._

 _Simon was silent for a moment, making Naruto a bit nervous, then answered._

" _Yep." He stated, pulling some of the rope that had piled up beside Naruto back into the vent. "But how the heck am I supposed to pull the three of you up when I couldn't even lower you down?"_

 _Naruto thought for a moment._

'What could motivate him?' _Naruto wondered, before a metaphorical light bulb went over his head._

" _Simon, if you pull us up, I'll get the twins to recover the work their virus deleted on your computer."_

 _The response was instant._

" _Done!" Simon exclaimed loudly, almost causing Naruto to tell him to shush._

 _Naruto pocketed his form of communication with Simon and picked up the twins. Once he had a good grip on them, he pulled on the rope twice to signal he was ready._

 _He almost had the breath knocked out of him when the harness was instantly yanked upward with surprising force. When he reached the entrance of the air vent, Naruto closed the opening, leaving no trace of him ever being there._

 _Well, besides the missing babies._

 _End Flashback_

"Let me get this straight." Parker stated, pinching her nose as the whiskered blond finished his story.

"You and Simon snuck into our boss's condo, took the babies, and brought them back here?" She asked rhetorically.

Back on the bed, Kurama felt the furniture shift and turned to see the conjoined babies crawling towards him, curiosity burning bright in their eyes. Not in the mood to deal with them, the nine tailed fox went to jump off the footpost of the bed, only to yelp when he felt something pull roughly on his backside.

"Yeah, that's about it." Naruto replied not catching the sarcasm in Parker's voice nor Kurama's dilemma.

"And you do realize that action is called kidnapping, right?"

"Mm-hmm."

Turning around, the fox's eyes widened in horror when he saw that Yin and Yang had grabbed onto his tails and were pulling him back towards them. Grasping the footrest as tight as he could, Kurama held on for dear life as the twins continued their attempt to reel in the nine tailed animal.

"Not to mention the fact that when Dee finds out, she'll call the police on you?"

"Eh, I can convince her that she let me take the twins out this morning in a drunken haze." Naruto replied nonchalantly.

The pulling was beginning to hurt, and his grip was getting loose. In a desperate attempt to hold on, the fox bit into the footrest for extra leverage. The babies, seeing what he was doing, got up to their feet and pulled with all the strength they could muster, causing the fox's eyes to tear up from the pain.

"You can't be serious!" Parker exclaimed.

Finally, the fox couldn't take it anymore and released all three of his grips. Unfortunately, the twins weren't prepared for the sudden decision and didn't cease in there tugging. That caused Kurama to fly back, tumbling into the twins. The three tumbled over each other in a flurry of giggles from Yin and Yang, and curses, followed by shouts of pain from Kurama.

"She sleeps with a bottle of vodka in her arms, so I'm pretty sure my explanation will be believable."

Parker opened her mouth to come up with a rebuttal but realized the blonde's logic. Instead she simply walked over to Naruto's unoccupied left side, sat down, and cradled her head in her hands while sighing. Naruto gave her a comforting pat on the back. The two stayed there in silence, contemplating what they were doing.

"Ack!" Kurama choked out.

Parker and Naruto turned their heads to the talking fox's voice and almost fell to the floor laughing at the sight.

Yin and Yang were the middle of a tug of war, using Kurama as a rope. Yin had her arms wrapped around the underside of Kurama's front legs while Yang was holding on to the fox's multiple tails. The twins were pulling so hard that Kurama was choking.

The fox gave the laughing duo death stares as the twins continued their game of dominance, neither of them wanting to give up their portion of the talking animal.

Once Parker and Naruto calmed down, they decided to intervene. Naruto moved over to grab Kurama while Parker decided to distract the twins.

"Come on you two, you know that Kurama isn't a stuffed animal to be fought for." Naruto stated as he knelt to their level and reached out for the fox.

However, the conjoined children didn't seem to like that idea and turned themselves around to where their backs were facing the whiskered blond.

Naruto gave a dejected sigh as he turned to Parker, giving the raven-haired producer a pleading look. Parker chuckled as she made her attempt at getting the fox away from Yin and Yang. Moving over to the other side of the bed, Parker crouched to her knees and began talking to the children.

"Guys, I know you like Kurama, but you can't yank on him like he's a toy." Parker told them with a motherly tone of voice.

The babies' mouths quivered slightly as they nodded in understanding. Parker however, decided to do something to turn their frowns upside down.

"Besides, if your hands are full, how are you going to handle-" With lightning fast speed, Parker brought her hands in between the twin's necks and collar and began to tickle them.

"-the Tickle Monster!"

The twins erupted into fits of laughter as the raven-haired producer continued to tickle them. Eventually, they couldn't take it anymore and released they're grip on the fox, who promptly ran away the first chance he got, and grabbed Parker's fingers to keep them from assaulting their sensitive spots further.

"Oh, so you think you can keep the Tickle Monster from doing what she does best?" Parker asked with a raised eyebrow.

Before the twins could react, Parker scooped up the conjoined babies in her arms and placed them in her lap. The twins squealed with childish glee as the producer began to attack all of their ticklish areas, always moving to another area when the twins had enough coherent thought to try and stop Parker's assault.

Naruto gave a cheerful grin as he got in on the fun.

"Don't worry kids! I'll save you!" He exclaimed dramatically.

The whiskered blond then proceeded to give Parker the same treatment that she was giving the twins and assaulted the ticklish spots underneath her arms.

The producer, unprepared by her friend's assault, gave a squeal of surprise and began to laugh alongside the twins.

Maybe it was the tone of the room, or maybe it was the fact that Parker wasn't angry with him anymore, but soon after, Naruto found himself laughing alongside them.

For a couple of minutes, Naruto's room was filled with nothing but laughter. Parker soon found herself too out of breath to continue, and her whiskered friend followed suit. Eventually, all parties stopped in their actions, and took a much needed rest.

Naruto was sitting on Parker's right and had an arm around her shoulders, catching his breath. Parker, who was equally exhausted, leaned into his embrace with Yin and Yang in her lap. The twins themselves yawned and snuggled into Parker's warm presence, beginning to nap.

' _This is nice.'_ Parker told herself mentally.

Sitting there, children in her lap, Naruto's arm around her, Parker felt…what could she call it? At peace? Happy? No, this was something else completely. Whatever it was, it felt good. Parker wished that they could have stayed like that forever, but there was one question still itching the back of her mind.

"Naruto?" she said softly.

"Hmmm?" He hummed in response.

"Why did you do all of this?"

She had an inkling of what the truth was, but she wanted Naruto to answer himself.

The blond in question was silent for what felt like minutes, but in reality, was only a few seconds. Finally, Naruto gave her a response.

"I didn't want them to go through what I did."

And that was all she needed.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Dee's Office_

After calling the hostess and explaining (lying) about what had happened, the quadria got ready for the day and headed for Naruto and Parker's place of work.

Deciding that having the babies with them in the bustling offices of the TV studios wasn't the best idea, Naruto and Parker chose to stay in Dee's office. Since the TV hostess usually was either on set or bossing people around, the room was relatively empty most of the time.

Parker was sitting on the steps that led to the room's balcony with the twins in her lap while Naruto was right next to her.

Hearing footsteps approaching, Naruto and Parker looked up to see Simon heading towards them.

"So, Dee didn't fire you and call the police when she found out you took them?" Simon asked, hot coffee in his hand.

Naruto chuckled at the statement.

The whiskered blond called Simon earlier and told him that they were in fact, not going to jail for kidnapping Yin and Yang. The nerd was thankful for the news and was finally glad that his debt to Naruto had been fulfilled.

"Nope." He answered with a grin

Sure enough, Dee bought the story that Naruto had concocted to hide his babynapping ordeal.

He stated that Dee had a massive hangover from drinking in her sleep when she woke up that morning, and the babies' crying made it a million times worse. In a bought of massive head pain and hazy morning thinking, she called the spiky haired blond to come and pick up the twins, so she could have some peace and quiet.

"And the twins didn't give you guys any trouble?" Simon asked with wide eyes.

Parker shook a teddy bear in front of the twins, causing them to giggle.

"Nope." She stated half mindedly. "They were absolute sweeties."

The producer continued to make the children giggle, Making cooing noises at the babies and muttering things like "You're so cute" and such.

Simon rolled his eyes at Parker's behavior while Naruto gave a small smile to how motherly his friend was acting.

"Parker," Dee's voice rang out from behind them.

The entire group jumped at the sudden voice and turned to see the hostess on the very to step to the balcony.

"How does she do that?" Naruto asked to nobody in particular.

"I've been thinking. We should do an episode on motherhood." Dee stated as she walked down the steps.

Simon raised an eyebrow.

"Didn't we just do that?" He inquired.

Dee stopped right next to Parker and answered.

"This is different. It's about me-"

"No surprise there." Naruto whispered to himself.

The hostess ignored the whiskered blonde's statement and continued.

"A chance to share my experiences with other mothers, so they can learn the selflessness, emotional openness, and nurturing it takes to be a great mother." Dee finished in a smooth tone.

Kneeling down, Dee gently picked up Yin and Yang while projecting an aura of love and nurture…

…Only for that aura to be disrupted when the twins cried at the fact that they were separated from Parker. Placing them back on Parker's lap, all semblance and respect for motherhood immediately disappeared from Dee's mind.

"Look after these will you? I'm late for my pedicure." She ordered Parker, reverting back to her normal mood.

The hostess walked away and left the room, leaving Naruto and Parker alone with the twins.

The female producer looked down at the babies, who were ecstatic that they were able to spend some time with her.

"Okay, what would you two sweeties like to do today?" Parker asked the twins.

* * *

 _Naruto and Parker's Apartment_

Parker and Naruto were sitting side by side in the seat of a piano while Yin and Yang had a child sized piano placed in front of them. The two producers began playing chopsticks on their instrument, hoping that the twins would play along. The conjoined siblings looked at each other before finally touching the keys of their piano. However, instead of chopsticks like Naruto and Parker, they performed a beautiful sonnet.

"Wow." Parker stated in surprise

 _Timeskip_

Parker placed a lump of clay about the size of a torso in front of the twins. As soon as her hands left the malleable substance, the twins instantly went to work. Their hands and the clay instantly became a blur as they moved their arms around it. Unfortunately, some of it did fly away due to the high level of speed and hit Naruto directly in his money maker. When they were done, an exact replica of the Thinker statue stood where the lump of clay was originally.

The strange thing was that the replica was similar not only in appearance, but in size. Somehow from the twins managed to increase the amount of clay they had to make the replica life sized.

"Wow." Parker repeated, not noticing her friend trying to wipe the clay off his face.

 _Timeskip_

 _Naruto and Parker's Apartment-Kitchen_

It was lunchtime, and Parker was at the fridge, whipping up something for the babies while Naruto watched them at the kitchen table.

"Don't worry guys, Parker's making you something." Naruto stated with an eye smile.

As if on cue, Parker placed a bowl if ramen in front of Naruto and a bowl of mushed vegetables in front of Yin and Yang.

"Here you go." Parker stated cheerfully.

"See." Naruto told the twins before focusing on his food.

The whiskered blond didn't notice Yin and Yang push their food away, only to spot Naruto's ramen and gain sparkles in their eyes.

Naruto breathed in the heavenly smell of his favorite dish through his nostrils and quickly tried to pull out the pack of disposable chopsticks he had in his pockets. Unfortunately, in his hurry, Naruto fumbled the pack and accidentally dropped them underneath the table.

"Dang it." He said in disappointment.

Kneeling down, the whiskered blond poked his head underneath the table and out of sight. Spotting the utensils, Naruto grabbed them and raised himself back up to his seat, ready to devour his food.

Only to be shocked when he saw Yin and Yang on his side of the table, slurping down the last bit of ramen.

"Noooooooooo!" Naruto screamed dramatically as his precious noodles were consumed by the conjoined babies.

Falling to his knees, crocodile tears ran down his face as he mourned his lunch.

 _Timeskip_

 _Naruto and Parker's Apartment-Parker's Room_

Parker thought that it was a great time to teach the two about her favorite pastime, knitting.

The producer of the Dee Show was sitting in a rocking chair, knitting together what was to be a scarf for the babies. Massimo was holding the ball of yarn she was using. Kurama was sleeping next to her, trying to not be seen by the babies and pulled into another tug of war.

Looking up from her work, Parker decided to check up on the twins' progress.

Imagine her surprise when she saw the babies knitting like pros. They had already completed half a sweatshop's worth of work, and even had them in clothes' hangars that were hooked on racks.

"Wow." Parker stated in awe for the third time.

"Umm, a little help?" Naruto's voice called out, slightly muffled for some reason.

Turning around, Parker could barely contain her laughter when she saw the condition her friend was in.

Somehow, Naruto had gotten so tangled up in the orange yarn he was given to work with, that he ended up looking like an orange mummy.

"Parker, I'm serious!" Naruto's muffled voice shouted.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Dee Show Set_

It was a new episode of The Dee Show, and true to her word, Dee made the show specifically about her 'mothering nature'

Dee was currently bragging to the audience about all of the things she accomplished in parenting 'by herself.' I.E. everything Naruto and Parker did while the hostess was off doing God knows what. Right now, she was talking about the handmade clothes that she 'knitted herself' while the twins knitted more clothes behind her.

"And I knit all of their clothes myself." Dee stated, pulling out a sweater with two neck holes, presumably made for the twins.

 _In the Producer Box_

"Hey!" Naruto shouted in indignation, "I made that!"

It was true. After untangling himself from the mess of yarn, Naruto decided to try his hand at knitting. Originally, it was supposed to be for Parker, but after accidentally making it too small for her frame, Naruto decided it was better to just adjust it for the twins.

"It's okay." Parker teased, patting him on the back in a sign of condolence.

Before the whiskered blond could reply, the sound of his phone ringing interrupted them.

Digging into his pocket, Naruto pulled out the phone and saw who it was calling.

"It's that same damn number." He whispered.

"What was that?" Parker asked curiously.

Naruto quickly hit the ignore button on his phone and stuffed it back inside his jeans.

"Nothing." Naruto answered.

Parker shrugged her shoulders and continued to monitor everything for the show.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Boardroom_

After the show, Dee immediately called for a meeting in the boardroom to talk about the episode. Sitting at the main chair at one end of the table, the hostess then began to tell everyone present, which consisted of her, Parker, Naruto, Simon, Chicago, and the twins, about her thoughts on the show.

"We're getting stale." Dee stated bluntly.

Parker, who was sitting in between Simon and Chicago, was the first to react.

"You didn't like the segment about Christmas socks?"

"It's July." Dee answered, rolling her eyes.

"Some people are slow knitters." Parker argued weakly.

"Some don't even know how to knit." Simon interjected.

"Some people accidentally get tied up in the yarn so bad that they have to have an ambulance come and surgically remove it at the hospital." Naruto stated, putting his two cents in.

Everyone turned to the blond with raised brows and confused looks.

Naruto was seated opposite from Dee at the table. In his lap were Yin and Yang, and in his hands was a book about nuclear fusion.

All three were reading the contents of the book intently, completely oblivious to the happenings of the world around them.

Noticing that the room was quiet all of a sudden, Naruto turned a page in the book for the twins before looking up. Meeting everyone's stares, the whiskered blond gained a bashful look and rubbed the back of his head.

"It's better to just say that it's a long story." He said before returning to the book.

"Anyway," Parker began, getting everything back on track, "We still did better than So You Think You're A Surgeon."

Naruto involuntarily shuddered at that statement. He didn't even understand how that was even a show, or how the person who came up with the idea wasn't thrown in the looney bin first chance

The basis of the show was this: one person with no medical experience needs to successfully operate on a live person. If they managed to make it through the procedure without killing their patient, the person then moved on the next round.

However, it wasn't the fact that random people were performing surgery that was the worst part. The worst part was that people of all ages could compete.

Hell, the first episode Naruto had ever seen had a nine-year-old take out the frontal lobe of a man's brain. What was the problem, you may ask? The entire thing was supposed to be a knee operation!

"What kind of moron watches that crap?" Simon asked.

Chicago looked up from the magazine she was reading.

"I love that show." She said.

Dee slammed her hands on the board table, gaining everyone's attention.

"I think feel that we need to freshen things up and find a new spin on the baby thing."

From behind their textbook, Yin and Yang gave each other disbelieving looks at that statement.

"Oh, and I was thinking about launching my own line of baby food."

Parker's eyes widened in surprise at the statement. The baby food game was no joke, and Dee acted like it was going to be a cake walk.

"That's certainly ambitious-" The producer began.

"-Considering you don't cook." Simon finished.

Dee walked around the boardroom table as she spoke,

"I have to think about the future. I'm a mother now. I have children to feed."

At the mention of the word 'feed', Dee remembered something and turned to her raven-haired employee.

"By the way, Parker, feed them." Dee stated, pointing at the babies in Naruto's lap.

Parker followed her boss's instructions and pulled out a bag full of baby provisions she had prepared prior to the start of the day. Pulling out two Ziploc bags full of apple slices and two bottles of milk, Parker turned to Yin and Yang's keeper for the moment.

Whistling to the whiskered blond to gain his attention, Parker then tossed the apple slices to Naruto.

Without even looking, Naruto quickly shut the book Yin and Yang were reading, placed on the table, and caught the bags. Opening them for the twins, Naruto let the conjoined siblings dig in as he caught the bottles of cow lactation that Parker had thrown next.

"I guess we could do another makeover show." Parker suggested.

Dee's eyes grew wide as a large grin plastered itself on her face. Ecstatic at the idea, Dee threw her arms up in the air.

"That's it! Extreme baby makeover!"

Dashing over to Naruto, Dee knelt down in front of the babies.

"Liposuction, tummy tuck, college and lips, and maybe a nose job." She listed off, placing her hands on the various places that she was thinking of working on.

Parker decided at that point to try and put her foot down with Naruto not far behind.

"But they're perfect the way they are." She exclaimed before turning to the babies, "And I love their little noses."

"And they're only a year old!" Naruto added, "And I agree, their noses are absolutely adorable!"

Dee wasn't having any of it though. Ignoring the producers' objections, Dee went over to her chair and sat down. Pulling out her cell phone, the hostess dialed a number into the communication device and put it up to her ear. After a few rings, the person she called answered.

"Doctor Alterman, do you remember that favor I owe you for the face lift?"

The voice on the other end said something unintelligible to the rest of the people in the room.

"And the neck lift, yes,"

The voice spoke again, and apparently whatever it was caused Dee to sigh

"Yes, and the boobs. Well, I have got a promotional opportunity for you."

While the hostess was busy chatting with the plastics surgeon, Naruto was staring at her with narrowed, angry eyes. A small coo emanated from his lap, and the whiskered blond looked down to see Yin and Yang giving him pleading eyes.

Try as he might. Naruto couldn't resist the conjoined siblings' puppy dog eyes and leaned in close to them.

"Don't worry, I promise that this won't happen." Naruto whispered.

And he meant it. To Naruto Bellamy, a promise was the one thing that he never broke, no matter what. And the friends of Naruto Bellamy knew that he never, _ever_ , broke a promise.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Dee Show Backstage_

The stage had been cleared of the usual furniture and decor to make room for the surgical equipment that was to be used in Yin and Yang's operation.

Dee had personally come down to greet Dr. Alterman and Parker had followed her in an attempt to convince the hostess that what she was going through with was not a great idea.

"Dr. Alterman, delightful to see you." Dee stated, shaking his hand with vigor.

Dr. Alterman was an older black man with a bald head, steel toe boots, black slacks, a white lab coat.

Right next to him was the Prambergite that Dee had bought a few days prior, rebuilt and no longer flying around as an airborne death trap.

Dee knelt down in front of the Prambergite.

"Kids time to go under the anesthesia."

"Dee! I really think we should reconsider this." Parker stated firmly.

If only Naruto was with her right now, Parker was sure that he could convince Dee not to go through with this. He had been missing since Dee had announced the babies were getting plastic surgery in the board room.

Dee didn't listen to Parker and pressed the button on the mechanized stroller that opened hp the seat area.

However, all three people were surprised to see that the seats were empty, and that there was no sight of the conjoined siblings anywhere.

"Parker," Dee began, eyes widened in shock, "Where are my babies?"

The female producer was shocked as well. Parker knelt down and looked inside the Prambergite, hoping that Dee was just being her lazy self and not looking hard enough.

Though to her dismay, Parker found no evidence that the babies were in there.

"I don't understand, Naruto said he put them in there a few minutes ago." She explained.

Up in the producer box, Simon was going through all the last-minute checks. Seeing that everything was okay, he gave out the final warning.

"Two minutes to air people." He said.

Parker ran around the stage, looking in every single place the twins might have been hiding. She didn't even care about the fact that they were supposed to be on the show, the producer just wanted to find them safe and sound.

However, none of her panicking was even close to what Dee was going through.

The ginger haired hostess had her hands clenching her head in hysteria as she realized what it could've meant if the babies weren't found in time.

"This is the worst thing that ever happened to me." Dee gasped, "WE'RE TALKING ABOUT DEAD AIR PEOPLE!"

Gathering up her senses, Dee pointed an accusatory finger at her show's producer.

"Parker what kind of babysitter are you!"

Parker could only hide her face behind her clipboard in shame and fear.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Dee Show Stage_

Thankfully, the crew and hostess had regrouped and got their senses together in time for the show. Since the subjects of The Dee Show had disappeared, Dee had decided to exploit that revenue.

Speaking of which, now on air, Dee was sitting on the stage couch of the set with a solemn look on her face.

"Today on Dee," She began softly. "A very special story."

" _Missing Children!"_ The announcer screamed enthusiastically. _"Yeah!"_

The audience clapped at that announcement for lord knows why. Maybe they knew that Dee was a horrible mother and were happy that Yin and Yang escaped.

When the clapping and cheering died down, Dee put a hand to her head in a false sign of weariness.

"This is a very personal episode," Dee began as she tore away a tissue from a nearby dispenser. "Just moments ago, my very own beloved babies went missing."

The audience gasped as Dee dabbed the tissue on her eyes and then blew her nose with it.

"I'm so sorry," She sniffled, "This is just so very difficult."

Pulling out a black and white picture of Yin and Yang, Dee stared directly into the camera as she spoke her next words.

"If you see these children, please, call the show."

Tossing away the picture, Dee stood up as a screen was lowered right behind her. Right then, all tears and tearful characteristics vanished as Dee returned to her normal behavior.

"They're in matching white linen skirt and trousers,"

Behind her, an image of Yin and Yang standing together while wear the exact outfit that Dee was describing appeared on the screen.

The crowd gave ooos and awwws at the display of fancy clothing.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Naruto and Parker's Office_

Parker was tearing the room apart piece by piece searching for the missing children while Simon watched from the doorway. Once Parker had made her fifth trip around the room, she decided to speak.

"They're hiding somewhere, I know it." She stated in a panic "What kind of mother would I make, Simon. I couldn't even keep track of someone else's kids; how could I keep track of my own?"

Simon decided that since Naruto wasn't here that he would take the role as confidant.

"Parker, nobody cared more about those babies than you did. The only one that could come close to you would be Naruto. You know, since he went and took them from Dee, so they wouldn't starve."

Parker stopped her panicked motions when Simon said that.

The babies were missing.

Naruto was still missing, and no one could find him.

He has a passed history of taking the babies away, so they wouldn't be subjected to horrible treatment from their mother.

All of that added together meant…

"Oh my god!" She shouted in realization. "I think I know where they are!"

Rushing past Simon, Parker could only hope she wasn't too late.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Second to Top Floor_

"I'm starting to have second thoughts about this!" Naruto shouted to the twins.

He was standing behind a control panel, checking to make sure all systems were green. Systems to what you may ask? Why, systems to the giant rocket aiming at the Bellamy Broadcasting skylight that had two conjoined, Asian babies tied to it.

Yin and Yang gurgled something in baby talk down to the whiskered blond.

"I am not 'wussing out!'" Naruto explained as if he could understand them. "I'm just curious as to how two babies are going to survive being shot out of a rocket!"

His disbelief was shattered when he saw the twins build both the rocket and the control panel in a matter of minutes, but a tiny piece of it hung on when it came to the idea of them living through being launched through a ceiling.

Yin and Yang gave another series of gurgles, followed by some coos.

Naruto's eyes widened in shock and his mouth hung open at the explanation.

"My god," He muttered, "That's genius!"

The babies smiled at the praise that they were receiving from the blond, but soon gained looks of determination as he began the countdown to lift off.

"Lift off in 5...4…3…2…"

"Naruto!" A voice from behind him shouted. "What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

Turning around, Naruto spotted a very angry Parker walking up to him.

"Out of all the dumb, idiotic, reckless-" She began, jabbing a finger in his chest at each word.

"I swear when we get home, you're not getting any ramen for a whole week."

The thought of not getting his precious noodles for a full seven days horrified the whiskered blond beyond belief. He would never survive for that long.

Falling to his knees, Naruto clasped his hands together in a pleading motion in front of Parker.

"No, Parker. Please, not that. It wasn't my idea, it was theirs!" The whiskered blonde begged as he pointed a finger towards the strapped down twins.

The babies gurgled in response to Naruto's statement.

"I'll gladly be a tattletale if it means I get to keep my ramen!" He shouted.

Parker shook her head at her blond friend's interaction with the twins and continued in her grilling.

"The babies thought that it was a good idea to shoot themselves out of a rocket and you listened to them?!" Parker asked in horrified amazement.

"They made a life-sized replica of the Thinker statue with only a small amount of clay, knitted an entire sweatshop's worth of clothes in a second, and created an original masterpiece on a piano all in a single day. So yeah, I listened to them when they said they had a plan for getting away from Dee!" Naruto stated in his defense.

"But a rocket?!"

"Well now that I'm hearing it out loud, I realize how dangerous this is!" He shouted back.

It was true. He had been so focused on finding someway to get the twins away from Dee, he had completely ignored all thoughts of safety. He couldn't threaten Dee like he did with Russel because A. the woman was his boss and B. she honestly scared the living daylights out of him.

Parker sighed and pinched her nose at Naruto's statement. She would deal with him later. Turning towards the twins, Parker cupped her hands around her mouth and shouted.

"Just hear me out guys!" She began, "I know that you don't want any cosmetic surgery and I don't want you to have it either!"

The babies shared a look and stared back down at Parker as she continued.

"At least, not until you're sixteen, and even then, it has to be your choice!"

Yin and Yang began to smile as Parker's words convinced them.

"You're just babies! I promise you that I won't let it happen!"

Yin and Yang, now convinced that they didn't have to launch themselves in the air attached to an explosive device, cheered in agreement.

Parker sighed in relief. Now that the twins weren't going to be the first baby astronauts in the world, she could safely get them down.

Just as she was about to get a ladder, however, the producer's phone rang.

Pulling it out and pressing the answer button, Parker answered.

"Hello?" She asked.

The person on the other end spoke a few sentences, and Parker's eyes widened.

"WHAT?!"

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Dee's Office_

After grabbing Naruto, who had gotten the twins down from the rocket by the time she had finished the conversation on the phone, Parker rushed back up to her boss's office. Bursting through the door, the two producers were greeted to the sight of Dee pouring herself a martini while Simon conversed with a man and woman of Asian descent.

"So these are Yin and Yang's real parents?" Parker asked, gaining everyone's attention.

"Wait, what?" Naruto asked, only just now getting the news.

The couple gave full smiles at the sight of Yin and Yang and the woman whispered something to Simon in her native language.

"Yep, apparently, Yin and Yang were stolen by some big dude when all of them were at the market a few days ago." Simon translated.

As fate would have it, the one class Simon had aced in college was a language course set around the Asian couple's dialect, so he was the perfect translator.

"Then they saw them on the Dee Show, they put two and two together, or rather, one and one in this case."

Dee, fed up with all the talking, slammed the bottle of alcohol she had used to pour the martini on the counter, gaining everyone's attention.

"But their mine! I am completely committed to Jin and Tang! I mean, my babies!" Dee shouted, remembering that Jin and Tang wasn't the name of the conjoined babies, but too drunk to remember what the names actually were.

"And when Dee makes a commitment to Jin and Tang-" She began, saying the wrong names again.

"Yin and Yang!" Naruto interrupted, correcting his boss.

Dee rolled her eyes.

"Whatever. Write down Jin and Tang, though. I bet that's delicious." She stated before getting back on track, "Anyway, these are my babies, and when Dee makes a commitment to-"

The hostess was interrupted a second time when the door to her office opened and Russel's head popped in.

"Dee! New handbags are in! Giddy up girl!" He stated

Without missing a beat, Dee ran up to the two visitors that claimed to be Yin and Yang's parents, quickly forgetting about whatever speech or rant she was about to go on.

"Nice to meet you." Dee stated, shaking the hands of the Asian couple.

Running as fast as one could in high heels, the purple wearing hostess followed after her stylist with vigor.

"Russel, wait up!"

With the hostess gone, the two parents decided now was the time to do what they came here for and finally reunite with their kids.

Walking over to the whiskered blond, the two parents reached out to take their conjoined children.

In fear of being left with another Dee, Yin and Yang grabbed onto Naruto's shirt as tight as their little hands could. Burying their faces into the orange fabric of his clothing, the children tried to hide themselves as if that would help them.

The parents gave looks as if they had been physically struck when Yin and Yang rejected their embrace, and the two producers decided it was best to intervene.

"No, darlings. That's your real mama and papa over there." Parker stated as she nodded over to the couple.

"They came all the way from for you. If that's not a sign of unconditional love, I don't know what is. I can tell just from looking at them that they love you very much. They're who you belong with." Naruto added.

The parents held each other in hope that their children would accept them. Yin and Yang stared at them for a few seconds, looking for any signs of deceit, before finally relenting and reaching out to them with their arms.

The parents had tearful smiles as they embraced their babies finally happy that their family was whole again.

Naruto and Parker gave satisfied smiles at the fact that they'd convinced the babies to do the right thing. Though at that moment, Parker remembered something.

"Here's a list of their activities, interests, and dietary requirements." Parker stated as she unfolded a list that reached all the way to the floor due to how long it was.

"My contact information is on the bottom if you have any questions."

"My number's there in case anyone starts teasing Yin and Yang have any trouble with bullies." Naruto stated.

Everyone gave him confused looks as they wondered what exactly he would do. Naruto sighed at the lack of realization and just cracked his knuckles to get his point across.

"Oh." Everyone said in realization, finally understanding his point.

The parents gave thankful smiles to the producing duo. Yin and Yang's mother leaned in a whispered one last thing to Simon before leaving. The nerd's eyes went wide as his brain translated what was said into English.

"Wow, that's incredible!" Simon said when the parents left the room with their newly reunited babies.

After sending Yin and Yang one last wave goodbye, Parker walked up to SImon and raised an eyebrow while placing her hands on her hips.

"What did they say?" She asked.

"They said that you and Naruto would make great parents someday." Simon said with a smile.

Naruto walked up next to Parker and gave a questioning look to his second-best friend.

"How is that incredible?" He inquired.

Simon was more than happy to answer.

"Because they also said that because you two cared for them so greatly, they want you two to be Yin and Yang's godparents." Simon stated before leaving the room as well.

Naruto and Parker were floored by the sudden bombshell of news. Yin and Yang's parents trusted two people that they hardly knew that much? Either they had very little options when it came to candidates for the job, or they saw something in them that the two producers didn't see in themselves.

To Parker's surprise, Naruto suddenly embraced her in a strong hug. Placing his head right next to her ear, Naruto whispered,

"Well, I guess you have your answer on whether or not you would make a good mother."

Parker felt her cheeks heat up and gained a smile as she hugged the whiskered blond back.

"And I guess you have your answer on whether or not you would be a good father as well." Parker replied

At that moment, Blake's words from the elevator resurfaced in her mind.

" _What I'm trying to say," Blake sighed, "Is that it seems that you and Naruto kind of…complete each other."_

For a split second, Parker did something that she thought was impossible for herself to do.

At that moment, a single thought passed through her mind.

' _Maybe, just maybe, Blake is right.'_

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Dee Show Set_

The audience clapped as Dee walked up on stage and sat down on the stage couch.

"Today on Dee," She began in her typical fashion, "We'll be talking to a very special guest."

The cameras zoomed in on her face as she spoke her next words.

"Me."

A few members of the audience called out to Dee in praise before quieting down.

As Dee spoke, the stage's curtain lowered itself behind her, and all stage lights were turned off except for one, which was then promptly aimed at the hostess.

"A trusting, loving, attractive, innocent victim thrown into the seedy underworld of black-market adoption!" She said in woe, placing her forearm on her forehead.

The final stage light cut out, leaving the entire stage in darkness before the announcer's voice called out.

" _Black Market Adoption!_ _Yeah!"_

The curtain raised itself back up and all of the stage lights turned back on as the show's theme song came on.

However, the audience didn't clap for the subject of the day's show for once. Instead, they just gasped in horror at the thought.

"This is simply too painful." Dee stated, blowing her nose into a tissue that she had.

The crowd gave her sympathetic 'awws' to the woman as she began to cry out loud.

 _In the Producer Box_

"I can't believe they're buying this!" Naruto exclaimed in disbelief.

Parker chuckled at her friend's plight and gave a reply.

"It's Dee we're talking about. She's a master at acting like she has human emotions."

Just as Naruto was about to reply, his phone rang from inside his pocket. Pulling it out, the whiskered blond groaned when he saw that it was the same number that had been bothering him all week.

"Okay, whoever this is seriously needs to stop calling me!" He shouted in frustration as he hit the ignore button.

Parker raised and eyebrow as the subject of Naruto's personal situation.

"Why don't you just answer and tell the person that they have the wrong number?" She asked.

"Well for one, I'm at work right now, and two, I was hoping that the person would eventually give up! I mean seriously! Who the heck continues to call the same number four hundred and ninety-nine times?"

As if on cue, the phone rang again, and Naruto growled in frustration at the unknown caller's persistence.

"Better make that an even five hundred." Parker chuckled.

Naruto grumbled in silence as he hit the ignore button once again.

That was the pattern for the rest of the showtime. Naruto would get a call, it would be the same number, he would hit ignore, Parker would laugh at the situation, rinse and repeat.

* * *

 _Bellamy Broadcasting-Simon's Desk_

It was a new day and Simon was sitting at his desk, in the middle of typing something down when Naruto and Parker came to greet him.

"Morning!" She called out cheerfully as she walked up next to him.

Naruto took a seat on the table right next to Simon's computer.

"Hey, guys. I'm just adding something to my novel. Check it out." The nerd stated.

Clearing his throat, Simon read the words that he had just written out loud for the two producers.

"For Starker Novac and Menma Namikaze, the biological urges to protect and raise the next generation were powerful forces, in which they could not escape." He said dramatically.

Giving Naruto the stink eye, Parker crossed her arms.

"You just had to get the twins to destroy something so perfect, didn't you?" She asked.

Naruto just gave a nervous laugh as he scratched the back of his head.

Turning back to Simon's computer, Parker gave a smirk. Leaning over the nerd's shoulder, Parker typed in a few specific keys.

Pulling back, the producer watched in satisfaction as the computer then began to short out and a few sparks shot out of certain areas.

"Not another exploding virus!" Simon shouted, grabbing his head.

"The twins taught me that after they were forced to fix it the first time." Parker grinned.

Quickly turning to Naruto, Simon gave him a pleading look.

"Please, tell me they told you how to fix it without them." Simon hoped.

Naruto shrugged his shoulders and gave Simon a sad smile.

"Sorry Simon, no can do."

The nerd slammed his head on the desk and cried at the loss of his beautiful baby for a second time.

Naruto heard Parker sigh and turned to her.

"What's wrong?" He asked curiously.

Parker gave another sigh before sitting right next to Naruto.

"I miss Yin and Yang." She stated, leaning her head on his shoulder.

Naruto wrapped her in a one-armed hug to comfort her.

"I miss them too." He stated, giving her shoulder a rub, "But they're with their real parents now. And besides, I'm sure there'll be other babies."

Parker huffed and looked up at the ceiling.

"I just hope that it won't be babies sold on the black market again."

Naruto smirked to himself when he realized that he had yet to tell Parker the good news. Clearing his throat and gaining Parker's attention, Naruto decided to reveal something that he knew would bring a smile to his friend's face.

"I wouldn't worry about that." He stated with a knowing smile.

Parker turned to him with a curious expression on her face.

"What do you mean?"

"Remember when I said I had something to deal with this morning?" Naruto asked her.

Parker nodded. About an hour before their regular time to get up and get ready for work, Parker had awoken to the sound of her blond roommate getting ready to leave.

When she asked what he was doing, he gave no response before leaving.

After an hour had passed. Naruto had returned at the exact time that it would have been when they got up normally.

Any and all questions that had been asked about where the whiskered blond had gone were promptly ignored.

"Yeah?"

Naruto sat up straight as he spoke.

"Well…"

 _Flashback_

 _Downtown-Sperm Salon_

 _The man that Naruto and Parker had a smiling face as he opened up shop for the day. Switching the sign from 'Closed' to 'Open', the beast of a man walked back over to the receptionist desk and sat down to begin filing reports. As luck would have it, the landline connected to the receptionist's desk rang as soon as he sat down._

" _Hello?" He asked._

"Yeah, I was told I could order a baby from this number." _A male voice stated from the other side._

 _The man smirked as he leaned_

" _You were told correctly."_

"Thank goodness, but here's the thing. I want to have a special ordered baby."

" _Of course, we do special orders all the time."_

"Thank you. The details that I was hoping for were that he weighed over three hundred pounds,"

 _The big man stopped his writing and raised his head when he realized what he was told. Digging one of his pinkies in his ear, the baby stealer checked to make sure that he had heard the caller correctly._

" _I'm sorry, what?" The smuggler asked in confusion._

 _However, it seemed like the caller didn't hear the big man and continued to speak._

"Had a liking to gold plated accessories,"

 _The burly man snarled. This had to be some kind of joke._

"Had massive amounts of body hair all over except for his head,"

" _Are you screwing with me? Because let me tell you what happens when people screw with me." The gold wearing man stated, standing up on his feet._

 _The caller continued to ignore him as he listed the final detail._

"And-oh right! He also needs to be in a pair of shiny new handcuffs!"

 _Just then, the door to Sperm Salon was kicked in by a boot covered foot. Before the baby smuggler could react, multiple canisters of tear gas were thrown inside, layering everything in a fifty-foot radius with tear inducing smoke._

 _The large man coughed hoarsely as the gaseous substance entered his lungs._

 _Standing up and accidentally knocking over his chair, the burly man ran to the store's exit, so he could breath properly while covering his mouth._

 _Running out of the store and into the street, the man breathed in a breath of fresh air as he began to register what just happened…_

… _Only to fall to his knees as the feeling of his legs being kicked in registered in his mind instead._

 _Feeling two sets of hands on his back, the burly baby dealer was pushed to the ground and felt his arms pinned behind his back. Struggling to escape the mysterious hands that were holding him down, the man who had originally kidnapped Yin and Yang was in for a surprise when he looked up and found himself staring into the barrels of multiple firearms._

" _Freeze!" An authoritative voice shouted._

 _Police officers decked out in SWAT gear surround the man from all directions with their weapons trained on him. Looking past them, the retrained suspect saw that the area had been barricaded off with officers in normal attire keeping people behind them._

'Oh shit.' _The man thought when he finally realized what was happening._

CLICK!

 _The man was broken from his thoughts when he felt two bracelet-like rings wrap around his wrists behind his back. Looking back over his shoulders, the man confirmed that the items were indeed a pair of handcuffs._

 _The two officers that had pinned him originally then grabbed the underside of his arms and lifted him up. Hoisting him to his feet, the officers didn't even give him a chance to get balanced before shoving him off to the side._

 _After walking a few feet, the officers forced him back to his knees when they stopped in front of a familiar spiky blond haired, whisker marked man._

" _This the 'baby' you ordered, mister?" The SWAT officer on the smuggler's left joked._

 _Naruto gave a large grin and an eye smile and decided to go along with the gag._

" _Why yes, officer. This is. However, I actually had second thoughts and decided that I'm not ready to become a father."_

 _The whiskered blond brought his hand up to his chin and gained a look of contemplation._

" _I've got it!" He exclaimed, snapping his fingers in realization, "Why don't you guys adopt him. I'm sure that Canada's finest would be a fine role model for the little guy."_

" _Why, I think that's a great idea!" The officer agreed, smirking underneath his helmet._

 _Crouching down to his level, Naruto gave Yin and Yang's kidnapper a snarky look as he stated one last remark._

" _Yin and Yang say 'hi'." Naruto teased._

 _Furious didn't even describe the look on the man's face as he struggled to get out of the SWAT team's grip and tear the blond limb for limb. The man's thrashing started to become more than the two could handle, so they whistled to their squad mates for backup._

 _Behind the raging smuggler, one SWAT officer walked up to them and calmly pulled out a taser from his utility belt. Gaining a sadistic smirk that no one could see, the officer activated the electric weapon and promptly jammed it in the man's backside._

 _For the next few minutes, the baby stealer could do nothing but convulse violently as volts of electricity shot through him painfully._

 _When the officer finally stopped tazing the man into submission, all the hair of on his body was sticking out, and smoke emanated from his open mouth._

" _Nap time." The officer joked._

 _Holstering his weapon, the SWAT member nodded his head over to the armored van that they had all came in, sans Naruto._

" _Take him away." He ordered._

 _The two officers nodded as they took the now pacified child smuggler away._

 _Naruto and the officer watched with satisfied smirks as the man was tossed into the van without a second thought, with the former trying to suppress his giggles when the officers struggled to get the man's large frame inside the vehicle._

 _Turning to the masked officer that had tazed the baby taker, Naruto spoke._

" _Nap time. Heh, good one." He grinned._

 _The officer simply shrugged his shoulders._

" _Eh, I wouldn't have been able to use that line if it weren't for you giving us the tip." The male SWAT member replied._

 _The whiskered blond chuckled and scratched his cheek at the sudden praise._

" _Thank you, Officer…" Naruto trailed off, realizing that he didn't actually know the SWAT member's name._

 _The officer reached out and undid the straps on his helmet before lifting the piece of protective gear off his head._

 _Black hair styled in the shape of a duck's rear appeared from underneath his helmet, along with two charcoal black eyes. If Naruto had to guess, he would say that the officer's age range was around his own._

" _Uchiha. Sasuke Uchiha. (4)" The now unmasked SWAT member stated as he stuck his hand out to the whiskered blond for a shake._

 _The producer reached out and clasped the officer's hand in a firm grip._

" _Naruto Bellamy." He replied._

 _Turning back to the police van, Naruto saw that they had managed to squeeze the guy in half way by then._

" _So, what happens now?" The whiskered blond asked Sasuke._

 _The black-haired police officer followed the producer's gaze._

" _He'll be processed, and justice will take its course. We may need you to testify in court"_

 _Realizing that he needed to head home, the whiskered blond looked at his watch. When he saw what time it was, his eyes widened._

" _I've got to go. Do you guys need me for anything else?" Naruto asked while walking to his motorcycle._

 _Sasuke followed after him._

" _No, other than the possibility of court, you should be in the clear." He answered._

 _Naruto gave a sigh of relief as he reached his parked vehicle. Getting on the bike, Naruto turned the keys in the ignition and felt the familiar vibrations of the engine being turned on._

" _It takes a pair of balls to do what you did today!" Sasuke shouted over the roar of the motorbike, "I'm just curious as to why you did this?"_

 _Naruto smirked as he put on his helmet. Revving up his cycle, the whiskered blond gave the black-eyed police officer a smirk._

" _I just did what was right, sir!" Naruto shouted from over his shoulder_

 _Popping a wheelie, Naruto rushed down the street and off to his apartment to get ready for the day._

 _End Flashback_

"Wait, so you're telling me that in the one hour that you were gone, you and the city police brought down a huge human trafficking ring?" Parker asked with superstition in her voice.

Naruto buffed his nails against his shirt with a cocky smirk on his face.

"Yep."

Parker snorted at the idea in disbelief and Simon rolled his eyes.

Naruto

"Either way, this calls for a celebration." Naruto started, "Whose up for pizza?"

Before anyone could answer, Naruto's phone rang, gaining everybody's' attention. Picking it up, the whiskered blond raised an eyebrow at the fact that the number calling him was nine one one. Answering it, Naruto placed the phone up to his ear to communicate.

"Hello?"

" _Naruto, it's Sasuke, the guy from this morning. Looks like you are going to have to go to court, and it's been bumped up to next week because of the seriousness."_ The officer's voice stated from the other end

Naruto, now disappointed in the fact that his entire next week would be taken up, gave no reply to Sasuke's statement and banged his head on Simon's desk.

The two other people in the room gave raised brows at Naruto's dramatics. The whiskered blond gave no mind as he held the phone away from himself.

" _Hello? Naruto, are you there? Hellllllooooo?"_ Sasuke's voice from the phone called out.

* * *

 _Naruto and Parker's Apartment-Naruto's Room_

Naruto let out a deep moan as he stretched out his back. Feeling a few bones pop, he smiled in satisfaction and headed for his mattress, ready to rest from the day's activities.

Normally, he'd be up later, but the whiskered blond had to wake up early for court proceedings the next day. Apparently, he was the key witness for the state's case against the Sperm Salon's baby smuggling employee, and it was going to take all week.

Sasuke had explained that since Naruto was the only witness, and those in the human trafficking rings didn't take kindly to people testifying against them, he was going to be placed under protective custody in a secret location until the trial began.

Plopping down on his bed, the whiskered blond began to relax as he let himself be pulled into slumber, hoping to get as much rest as possible.

However, just as he was about to enter the land of dreams, the all too familiar sound of his phone ringing on his nightstand interrupted the quiet atmosphere of his room.

Groaning quietly, Naruto shifted to his side, reached out, and grabbed his phone. Unlocking the screen, his eye twitched as he saw that it was another missed call from that same number!

Suppressing the urge to scream, Naruto had decided that enough was enough. He couldn't take it anymore, and whoever this person was didn't appear like they were going to stop anytime soon.

Pressing the answer button and placing the phone up to his ear, Naruto was finally ready to confront the person who had been harassing him for the past four days.

"Hello?" He asked, trying to hide his anger.

The person on the other side of the line was silent for a full minute. Naruto knew that someone was there since he heard what seemed to be nervous and shaky breaths. Finally, a voice answered the whiskered blond.

" _Hello, Naruto. It's been awhile."_

All anger and frustration immediately drained from his face as the whiskered blond recognized who it was that called him so many times, and it was at that moment, Naruto wished he had chosen to block the number or keep ignoring the calls instead of answering.

* * *

 **1\. Sounds like someone I know** *glares at mirror*

 **2\. Does anyone actually know what city Producing Parker takes place in?**

 **3\. Like the beginning scene of Thor: Ragnarök**

 **4\. CALM DOWN PEOPLE! I'm still not sure if Sasuke will be a recurring character, or if this is just a cameo, or if there will be any other cameos from the Narutoverse!**

* * *

 **I know that it's been a month since it happened, but I wrote this AN 2 days after it was made public, so don't comment that I'm late to the party.**

 **Stan Lee, the father of Marvel, is dead. A true hero is no longer with us.**

 **He was a man that all of us hoped to be. Kind, caring, patient, wise, I could go on and on but then that would take up half the story length.**

 **I remember when I first found out who the man was. I had just gotten the DVD for Spiderman 3 and instantly played it. Everything was how what expected. From the action to the plot, everything was perfect for 6-year-old me. Then one scene came along that changed my perspective forever.**

 **Tobey Maguire's Peter Parker was looking at an electronic billboard that was currently covering his latest exploits as Spiderman when, all of a sudden, someone else stood beside him.**

 **Turning his head, Tobey looked to see an old man with slicked back gray hair, shades, and a happy smile on his face. The man simply stood there, no introduction, no reasoning, and seemingly no regrets based on his smile.**

 **Then the man turned to Tobey and said twelve words that I'll never forget.**

" **You know, I guess one person can make a difference. 'Nuff said."**

 **Then without another word, he walked out of the scene, never to be seen again in the Raimi franchise.**

 **As I got older, I found out that the old man was Stan Lee, and I found out who he was to the world. The meaning behind Stan Lee's words took new meaning in my mind, and now I realized they were true.**

 **Stan Lee affected so many lives in a positive way. He proved the truth that he spoke in Spiderman 3.**

 **Now I ask you this: When did you first discover the work of his great man, regardless if you knew who he was or not, and what superhero was it? Leave your answers in the reviews.**

 **Excelsior, you great man, and rest in peace.**

 **Remember to review and leave constructive criticism. Blades out.**


End file.
